Soccer Is Love
by soccer101freak
Summary: ALL TRUE! Beginning is chill and then it gets pretty intense. She's threw with making everyone else happy. She's finally had enough of everything and everyone. Will the only person that understands her be there to save her? Or run, like everyone else?
1. Day 1

**Umm yeah, I really don't have anything to say here besides that this is all true. It happened to me last year and yeah. Im just using the south of nowhere characters to replace me and my friends and her. :) yup yup. You may see that I live a completely boring life. Haha. Nahhh, I live a good life… filled with drama and what not. What else do you need in your life in high school? Spashley, that's what I need at my school. But no. haha. Ok well I guess enjoy. **

**Oh well I guess I better put this in here. The disclaimer thing. Seems like every other story I read, people are putting it in there. So yeah, south of nowhere doesn't belong to me, im just borrowing the characters. **

**Oh yeah, it's pretty cool too, cause I am a blonde with blue eyes. So yeah, im going to be Spencer. Lol. Plus, she. Is. Hot. **

A young 14 year old, blonde, blue eyed girl walked onto the soccer field with her best friend Rachel. They had their bags on their shoulders that carried all of their stuff. Today was try outs for the high school team. She had all the confidence a girl could need to be ready for tryouts.

She laughed as she walked over to where all the other girls were sitting and putting on their gear. Some were already stretching. "I can't believe how early we had to get up for this." Rachel whined to her best friend

They both sat down on the grass and put their shin-guards, socks, and their cleats. "I know! But I can't wait to see who our competition is. I mean, the girls we played with for fun… we they suck." Rachel laughed at what her best friend just said

"I know for real." Rachel replied tying her cleats tight. She doubled knotted it so she wouldn't have to tie it during tryouts.

They had three days to show the coaches something good. They had to show them what they had. They had to show them what type of talent they had.

"Ok, if we can have your attention please!" The coach yelled over all the girls' talking

Everyone became quiet and listened to the coach as he talked, "I need the freshman to form a line here," He pointed to a patch of grass. A few girls started to walk over to it, "And then so on." He pointed 3 other patches of grass

Rachel and her best friend, Spencer Carlin, walked over to where the freshmen were supposed to be standing. "Looks like we're doing drills?" Rachel stated watching the coaches set up cones

As all the girls waited around for the coaches to be done setting up the cones, Spencer noticed a group of girls in the sophomore line. She stared at them and didn't recognize any of them. She looked from one girl to another until she landed her eyes on a particular one. She had brunette colored hair. She was tall and had the cutest laugh. "Spencer?" Rachel said waving her hands in front of her

"What?" Spencer said being caught off guard. She hoped that her best friend didn't see who she was staring at.

Rachel and Spencer had been best friends since the seventh grade when they got onto a traveling team together. They've been inseparable since.

Rachel was a dirty blonde. Her eyes were green. The type of green that you rarely ever see. The one type that you can just fall into and never come back out. Spencer did that before and it kind of freaked her out. She never looked into her eyes again.

She had the best soccer skills Spencer had ever seen. She had a great sense of humor, but when it came to serious stuff, she would get all nervous. She hated serious things, she'd rather have humor. She was taller than Spencer and slender. And she was boy crazy. Everyone wanted to date her.

Unlike Spencer who was really shy. She had her moments though, when she would do outrageous things. She fell into peer pressure way too easy. She also hated serious things, but she could handle them.

She hated her parents and her brothers. They always embarrass her and make fun of her for anything they can think of. But, deep down she loves them.

"What the hell were you staring at?" Rachel asked looking over in the direction that Spencer was looking in. Spencer looked over again and the brunette just happened to turn her head. Spencer managed to put a smile on her face and the brunette happily returned it and turned away.

"Nothing." Spencer lied.

She always noticed girls, but she was always more into boys until 8th grade. That's when she noticed girls more than boys. She wasn't all boy crazy like her best friend was. She didn't know where it came from, other than when the hottest girl in their school went up a cup size.

The coaches yelled for everyone to be quiet again. "Ok, we're going to start with some basic warm up drills. Butt-Kickers!" He blew his whistle for the first row to start

Spencer looked back over to the brunette and noticed that she was in the same row as her. She looked over at her and they locked eyes. Then the whistle blew for their row to go.

They ran, kicking their butts for about 10 yards and then they got stop. They both went into the back of their own lines and waited for the rest of them to come and join them.

After some basic warm up drills, they were split up into 4 groups. Based on grades. That's when they got to know one another better and practice with one another.

After 3 hours of practicing, every one got to leave. But, right before they left, they were warned to be ready for tomorrow. They were told that tomorrow would be the hardest out of all 3 days.

Rachel and Spencer slowly walked off the field, bags on their shoulders. Rachel was talking to Spencer about something that happened today but she wasn't really paying attention to her. She was paying attention to the brunette girl that was walking in front of them.

"So are you in?" Rachel asked Spencer

Spencer turned to her friend, "In what?" She asked while she adjusted her bag on her shoulder

"Were you not paying attention the whole time?" She asked her friend

Spencer smiled at her friend and she watched as Rachel rolled her eyes at her. "Do you want to come with me and a couple of other girls to the movies tonight?" She asked her again

"Oh, um well yeah I want too, but I have to ask the parental's." Spencer told her

They both stopped in front of the gym to be picked up. It was now 11:30 on the week before school started up again. They sat down against the gym wall and continued with their conversation.

"Right, your mother. Your mom never lets you do anything." Rachel pointed out

"I know. Well she use too until I met you." Spencer said.

Rachel smiled as she knew what Spencer was talking about. Shortly after they meet, Spencer always hung out with Rachel and she got into trouble for sneaking into a movie. Now Spencer's mom, Paula, doesn't let her go to the movies with Rachel anymore.

The coaches walked up to them. "Hey, you're Spencer right?" The head coach, Coach Jim, asked making the brunette girl and a couple of her friends to look over at them

Spencer nodded, "Yeah." She said quietly

Coach Jim smiled, "Keep up the great up, kid." He told her. He looked over at Rachel, "Smith, you're doing awesome. Keep it up." He told Rachel

They all walked away and the brunette walked over to us with one of her friends, "You two freshmen?" The brunette asked

"Yeah." Rachel nodded

"You two are really good for freshmen." Her friend told us

A smile crept up onto Spencer's face, "Thanks." She says

"Well im Madison, and this is Ashley." The brunette's friend introduced them

Rachel smiled, "Well im Rachel and this here is Spencer." She told them

Spencer looked at Ashley and Ashley was looking at her. All Spencer could do though was smile. "She's really shy." Rachel told them and they laughed a little

Spencer elbowed Rachel in the side. "Shut up." She told her quietly

"So, are you guys on the varsity team? Because you two have some killer moves." Rachel tells them. She stands up which makes Spencer stand up too.

"Yeah we were." Madison smiled

Ashley nodded, "So how long have you two played?" She asked, but mostly looking at Spencer

"I've been playing since I came out of the womb." Rachel tells them and they laugh

They all look at Spencer, waiting for her to say something, "Um, since like, 3rd grade or something close to that." Spencer says

"Cool, cool." Madison said checking her cell phone

"Ashley! Mads! Come here and look at this!" One of their friends ran over to them and started to drag them back to their circle they formed

"See you guys later!" Ashley called as she walked away

"Bye." Spencer and Rachel said in unison

After they left, Rachel turned to Spencer, "I can't believe they got onto the varsity team during their freshmen year. You know how cool that'll be if we got onto the varsity team this year?!" She said excitedly

"Yeah I know. It's pretty cool." Spencer replied

A few minutes passed and then Spencer's mom pulled up. She said bye to Rachel and she left and told her she'd call her later to tell her if she could go or not.

She got into the car, "How'd tryouts go?" Her mother asked

"Great. A lot of competition though." Spencer told her mom while she put on her seat belt. She looked out of the window and saw that Rachel was talking to Ashley and Madison again. _Lucky._ She thought to herself

"That's good." Her mother said

"Yup. So hey mom, can I go hang out with Rachel tonight?" Spencer asked her mom hoping that if maybe she said hang out, that her mom would let her.

"You want to go to the movies don't you?" She asked pulling out of the parking lot

Spencer smiled sweetly, "Yeah." She said

Paula looked at her daughter, "Fine. But no sneaking in and no smoking or drinking."

"Mom I wont do that!" Spencer said. She couldn't believe that her mom thought that she would do that again. Well, next time they do, do that, they know how not to get caught.

"That's what you said last time." Paula said firmly.

Ok well, maybe she did it more than once. But whatever, she gets to go to the movies tonight and maybe; hopefully she'll see Ashley again.

**Ok yeah… so if u want me to continue, then tell me. Reviews are always helpful too. Lol. **


	2. She So Let Me Win

**Wow it's been a while since I've updated. Sorry about that. I've just been really busy with school and something and soccer. I had a tourney this weekend and we got 1****st**** so im pretty excited about that! Thanks to everyone who reviewed.**arh1986, **I know! It's the best! Soccer annddd Spashley. :)**

**Ok well enjoy chapter 2 of me life:)**

**Spencer's POV.. im going to do her POV which is really mine. Haha**

I woke up today at 6:15. I had to be there at 7. I ate breakfast and put on my practice clothes which were a grey UCSB College Soccer shirt, white soccer socks, and black Nike sandals. I would put my cleats on when I get to the field.

By the time that my mom dropped me off at school, it was 6:50. Perfect timing. I walked to the soccer field and a lot of girls were already there. I walked over to the grass and sat down to put on my cleats.

"Ok ladies!" Coach Jim yelled through a mega-phone, "If you would please sign in here at the table, and then go put on tennis shoes. We're running 4 miles today!" Most of the girls groaned

Ugh, I hated the running part of soccer. Well, at least during the practices anyways. I got up and slipped back into my sandals and walked over to the table to sign in. I stood there, waiting my turn when I noticed the back of the shirt in front of me. It said 'Davies' and below that it had a big number 7 on the back of it. Lucky Number Seven. I smiled

She turned around, "Hey Carlin." She said and then turned back around to sign in

"Hey Davies." I say back. It's my turn to sign in now

After I was done signing in, I walked back over to my bag and took my long socks off and put on ankle socks. Then I slipped into my tennis shoes. I sighed as I looked down at my shirt and realized that I wouldn't want to run 4 miles in a t-shirt. I look through my bag and find a white wife-beater. I pull the shirt out of my bag and I stood up.

I looked around to see who all is around me and I took my UCSB shirt off. Im standing there in just my sports bra when Rachel walked over, "Oww Carlin. Look at those Abs!" She says smiling and she sits on the grass. Im happy that I got a nice dark even tan over the summer. And im also really happy that I started to do crunches too. Now I have a four-pack. You can slightly see it, but that's all you want on a girl. Anything else would be gross.

I smile and start to blush a little. I glance over at Ashley and caught her staring at me. I smiled as I sliped my wife-beater on. I put on more deodorant and headed over to the track. 16 laps and I'll be done with the miles.

I stepped onto the line and stretched my legs some. Rachel walks up next to me and then it's Ashley and her friend Madison and Chelsea and then it's all the other girls that are trying out.

Rachel turned to me, "Are you hungry Spence?" She asked me

What kind of question is that? "Um, no, I already ate. Why?" I ask her

She smiles at me, "Well, you're going to eat my dust!" She laughs

I roll my eyes and smile. Rachel and I always try to out beat the other in running things. Usually I win because im more in shape than she is, but sometimes she wins. "You wish, Smith." I tell her and I hear Ashley chuckle

I look over at Ashley and she looks at me and I turn away shyly. I smile while doing that. Then Coach Jim blows the whistle and we're off.

I lost Rachel after the first mile. Now it's Ashley, Chelsea and me running the pack. By the end of the 3rd mile, it's just Ashley and I.

We come to our last lap and it's already half way over. We both look at the finish line and then look at each other and smile. We both run harder and we both push our legs harder. My legs feel like rubber. They're really tired.

We're racing for the end. We both want the victory. Either way, it shows the coach that we both want success.

We're about 10 feet from the finish line when Ashley starts slowing down. I look at her and smile as I cross over the finish line first.

After I get past the finish line, the end of 4 miles without stopping and walking. I walk over to the grass and lay down breathing heavy.

A body lies down next to me, "You're something Spencer." It's Ashley. She's breathing hard too.

I smile and look over at her. I don't say anything. I look back up at the blue sky. Then two coaches walk over to us. Coach Jim- Varsity head coach and then Coach Allen- Assistant Varsity Coach.

"Out of all the years I've coached, I don't think that I've ever seen two girls push it as hard as you two did at the end of a 4 mile run." Coach Jim told us. Coach Allen handed us both a water bottle.

I drank about half of it before I answered them, "Thanks." Was all I said

"We'll be seeing the both of you more often." Coach Allen said as they both walked away

I turned to Ashley and she turned to me and smiled. Her friends came over and took her away. Rachel sat down next to me. She just now finished the run. "Holy Shit, Spence. When did you get fast!?" I laughed and laid back down on the grass

**Alrighty, there is chapter 2! **


	3. Now It Was My Turn

**Thanks to everyone who is actually reviewing the story. Yes it is all true. And**cyberauthor** I thought she let me win too… but she swears she didn't. Haha. **Blonde gone wild, **Katie you crack me up so much! Haha.**arh1986, **I play forward.**

**Anyways, here is chapter 3!**

After we got to rest for about 10 minutes, we were separated into 4 groups again by our grades. The freshmen had to get up and go do more running. This time, it was little sprints up and down the field. I don't know what the other 3 groups did because I wasn't paying attention to them.

We did those for about 15 minutes, and then we got to shoot goals for about 20 minutes.

After we were done shooting goals, we got a 10 minute water break. We were told that we better get a lot of water because we were about to do a 2 mile run. At least it wasn't 4 again.

"Why the hell do we have to do another freaking 2 mile run!?" Rachel walked up to me. I watched her take a drink from her water bottle she brought

I stood there, sweating a lot. It was already hot today and it was only 9 in the morning or something close to that. "I don't know," I reply looking around at all the girls. I noticed that some of the one's from yesterday didn't show up again. Wimps.

I stood there as Rachel was venting about the coaches and how mad she was about them making us run again when I felt cold water run down my head and onto my chest and back. I jumped and screamed and I turned around to see who did it. It was Ashley. "What the hell was that for?!" Im smiling big at her

"You looked hot." She smiled at me and started to walk away, "You wont beat me this time Carlin!" She said looking over her shoulder

I stood there smiling and I shook my head, "Um, what's up with you two?" Rachel asked

I looked at her, "What do you mean?" I ask her sitting down my water bottle and started to walk over to the track once more.

Rachel walked beside me, "Um, well yesterday you wouldn't even say anything to the chick because you were way too shy and now today—" She stopped talking when Ashley walked over to us and she put her hand on my shoulder and started to talk to me.

I felt a little shock, "Ready to eat my dust Carlin?" She asked me

"Phss, you should be asking yourself that question." I tell her

She looked at me like I was stupid, "What?" She asked with a little laugh as she removed her hand

I wish I had the confidence to do the same, "I don't know." I shook my head. It didn't even make any sense to me!

Coach Jim blew the whistle and we started to run fast, "You're going to run out of breath fast, Spence." She tells me as we round the first corner

I shook my head but realized that she didn't see it, "Nope. You are _Ash_." I smiled at her when she looked my way

We stayed in front of the pack the whole time and when we were coming around the last turn, we both looked at each other and smiled. We both wanted victory. When we got about 10 feet away from the finish line, I slowed down this time and I let her cross the line first.

After I crossed the line, I walked over to the grass and sat down. She came and sat down next to me, "What was that about?" She panted

I smiled, "What do you mean?" I look at her

"You let me win didn't you." She said staring at me with a smile on her face still

"Hey, you let me win the first round. I was just returning the favor." I told her as I bit my bottom lip a little. I don't know why I was doing this, I only bit my lip when im nervous. Could she really be making me nervous?

"I didn't let you win." She said getting up. She offered her hand to me to help me up and I took it. There was that shock again. But, it was a good shock. My hand fit perfect around hers. What was I thinking? I shook my head as we both walked over where the water was at.

We both grabbed a water bottle and went and joined the rest of the girls in the circle that we were supposed to make but it turned out to be more of a square or an oval.

I sat down next to Ashley who sat next to Madison. I don't know where Rachel's at. I look around the circle, oval, square or whatever the hell it is for her. Finally I spot her with a couple of girls that were on our traveling team.

I sigh as the coaches gather in the middle, "Ok so, we are done here today. I hope everyone comes back out tomorrow for another run," All the girls groan besides Ashley and I. We both look at eachother and smile. Another round to see who really is the champion. We both smile as we look at the coach again, "And after the run, we will be announcing who makes what team if you made one. So get some sleep tonight, and don't stay out too late," He looks over at Madison and Ashley, "Girls."

"What? We only party on Fridays." Madison said

"Yeah and the night before a big championship game." One of the girls said outloud

"Hey, it's not our fault that we want to have some fun." Madison added

"Shut up Mads!" Another girl said and then laughed. A few other girls laughed.

I sat there smiling the whole time. We all got up and walked over to our bags. We packed up and we left.

After I was done packing my stuff, I noticed that Rachel had already left. "Damn it." I said as I put my bag onto my shoulder. I knew that she was mad at me know. But for what?

I started to walk off the field when the coaches came up to me, "Spencer right?" Coach Allen said

I nodded, "Yeah." I said quietly

"You like Davies win didn't you." He smiled at me

I laughed a little, "Yeah. But, we're going to see who is the real champion tomorrow." I smiled at him

"Well, get a lot of sleep, Spence. It's a 6 mile run." He patted my back and walked off

Ugh, 6 miles. This is truly hell. I wonder if Varsity is this bad. I started to walk again. My phone started to ring in my bag _She would change everything for happy ever after. Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster, _I stopped and opened my bag as I searched for the ringing phone. _But she just needs someone to take her home. Cuz she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's ok. _I finally find it but it's my boyfriend, Josh, and I really don't want to answer it so I let it keep ringing._ And she would change everything, everything just ask her. Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster. _ Finally it stops.

I continue to walk. I love that song a lot. I think it's my favorite right now. "Hey Spencer right?" Chelsea walked up next to me

I turn to her, "Yeah." I say quietly

"So um, what are you doing tonight?" She asked me

I shrugged my shoulders, "Nothing probably. Just probably going to the movies with my boyfriend." It would probably be another boring night.

Josh and I started going out in the middle of 8th grade. Im not the one to fall madly in love because well, im too young. I just don't want to be tied up for the rest of my life with somebody at the age of 14.

Josh was a basketball player. He had brown shaggy hair and he was tall and muscular. He was that one guy that every girl in the school wanted to date. He says that he loves me, but I don't really believe him. I really hate lying to his face too, but I have too. Well I mean, I don't have too, but I don't want to lose him. He's too sweet and funny and yeah.

I could let myself fall in love with him, but I don't want too. Im too scared I'll get hurt and what not. "Oh, boyfriend?" She sounded interested

I nod, "Yup. Why'd you want to know?" I asked her as we got to the front of the school

She shrugged, "I was just wondering. Anyways, I gotta run, so I'll catch you later." She smiled a goodbye and walked over to Ashley. I wonder what they were talking about. I sigh as I look around for Rachel. I don't see her. I pull my phone out of my bag again and dail her number. She doesn't pick up it just goes to her answering machine. "Hey it's Rach, you know what to do!" I roll my eyes. She never changes that thing.

I leave her a message, "Rach where are youuuu? Call me back kay?" I hang up the phone and sit down against the wall and I wait paitently for my mom

A few minutes passed and I try to call her again. I listen to her ringback tone, Im A Flirt by T-Pain. I really truly hate that song. She has it as her ringback tone because I hate it so much.

"Hey it's Rach—" I hang the phone up. My mom pulls up in her navy blue 2002 ford escape. I stand up and put my bag on my shoulder and make my way over to the car.

When I throw my bag in the back, Ashley run's over to me, "So hey, your busy tonight?" She asks me

"Um, well, I don't have to be." I smile at her

She returns the smile, "Great. You're coming with me and some friends to the movies." She pulls her phone out and I give her my number. "Ok sweet, I'll call you when I get home." She smiles at me and starts to walk away, "Bye Spence!" She looks over her shoulder

I give her a little wave and a smile and get in the car. "Who was that?" My mom asks me

"Ashley." I say her name and I like it. I smile all the way home.

**Ok there it is. I'll do the other night part and the beginning of the next day on the next update. The two ringtones I used as our current ones. Remember to review!**


	4. Flirting Is Always A Good Sign

**Thanks for everyone who reviewed! I cant really believe that people are actually liking my "story"… life. Lol. I kept Paula's job the same. My mom does something else. Way different actually. And the two brothers thing. Me? I don't have two brothers. And my parents.. Well you you'll see. Anyways, here is the update! **

I got into the car and shut the door. I put on my seat belt as my mom started to drive off. She turned right towards our house. As she stopped at the stop sign, she turned the radio down and started to talk to me, "Sweetie, you're going to your dads this weekend right?" She asked me

My parents got a divorce when I was 11. So three years ago. My dad lives in Beverly Hills as to where me and my mother live, in LA. I guess I like living with her, but she's always at work and she's never home. Well I mean, that's what she says she's doing. I highly doubt that she's actually working.

They got a divorce because of 'different likings'. Phss, yeah ok. The real story is though, is that she got hooked up with some dude at her work. She works as an assistant for a surgeon in the LA Hospital. I guess she's good at her job, I never really asked.

I have two brothers, Glen and Clay. They are both a two years older than me. We adopted Clay when he was 8 and I was 6. He's black.

They both go to King High as juniors this year. They also live with my dad, Arthur. He's really cool actually. I see him every other weekend. Most of my friends don't know that my parents are divorced. Why? Because I never told them. I didn't want their pity.

I turned to my mom, "Um, yeah. I stayed here last weekend." I kept looking at her

She pulled up to another stop sign, "Ok well I was just wondering. Do you have any plans for the weekend?" She asked me as she pulled away from the stop sign

A couple of more blocks and then we're home. "Um yeah I do. I was going to go to the movies tonight with a couple of girls from the team." I tell her

She looks at me sternly, "Is Rachel going?" She asks

I sigh and look ahead, "I doubt it. I think we're in a fight, but im not too sure." I say quietly

"Oh." I hear my mom say. I look at her and she turns the left blinker on

"Yeah, so can I go?" I ask her knowing that she'll probably say no

"I'll think about it." She says as she pulls into our driveway

We pull up to our house. It's an old Victorian house. I really like it. Apparently my parents lived her for like… ever. It has a wrap around porch and a balcony for my room. I spend a lot of time outside on it. Just thinking about stuff and looking at the stars and stuff.

I grab my bag out of the back and head to the house. I go to my bathroom and change and take a shower. As I was showering, I realized how tried I really am.

I get out of the shower and I go and take a nap.

I wake up to my phone ringing. …_She would change everything, everything! Just ask her. _And then it stops. I roll over on my bed and I grab my sliver razor off of my nightstand where I placed it before I laid down.

I open it up, "1 missed call. No drr." I look to see who it was, "Ashley Cell." A smile came across my face. Then a noise came from my phone again. _"Hey Spence," Rachel said. "Hey What." I replied, "You're a dork face!" Then we laugh. _Rachel and I recorded that when we first became best friends. I put that as my indicated to when someone leaves me a voicemail. (And yes that is still what it is. )

I smile as I hit 'listen to voicemail'. (I don't really remember what she said… so im going to try my best) "Hey Spence it's Ashley. Call me back when you get this. Byee."

I go into my phonebook and call her back. I really like her ring back tone. It's Jersey by Mayday Parade. (That's what it is now. I don't remember what it was.) I hum along to it until she picks up, "Hey there Spencer." I hear her rustling with something in the background

"Hey, what's up?" I say tiredly

She chuckles, "Did you just wake up?" She asks

I laugh a little, "Yeah. I was tried." I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling as I talked to her

"Nice. So can you come tonight?" She asks

"Um, yeah I think so. What are you doing?" I ask her

"Im ripping pages out of my notebook Little Miss Nosey." She giggles

I smile. I sit up in my bed and my blanket falls off of my torso and my upper body becomes cold. Im only wearing my black bra and the boxers I sleep in. I usually sleep in those boxers and a white wife beater, but I wore that today.

I stand up and walk over to my closet to find a t-shirt to wear, "What are you doing?" She asks curiously

"Um… nothing." My smile grew bigger

"Liar." She chuckles

"You really want to know?" I ask her as I find an Eagles band t-shirt

"Do I?" She asks

I laugh a little, "I was trying to find a shirt to put on…" I wait to hear her reaction

"Oh really? So you're… topless right now?" I didn't hear any more rustling in the background

"Well no not anymore." Then there was a knock on my door and my mom walked in. "Hold on Ash…ley." what was that?!

"Spencer--- who are you talking too?" My mom asked walking towards me

"Ashley…" I tell her

"Is she the girl that you're going to the movies with tonight?" She asked me

I nod, "Ok well you need to call you dad to tell him that you're going over--" I cut her off

"Ok! Will you please leave?" I ask her as I sit on my bed. I really just want to talk to Ashley

I watch my mom roll her eyes and walk out of my room. I sigh, "Ok im back." I tell Ashley

"Ok… um so you can go?" She asks

"Yeah." I look over at the clock and realized it was already 5 o clock. Damn I must have been really tired.

"Ok, well get ready Sleepy Head. I'll meet you in front of the movie theater around 6. Ok?" She said

"Yeah. See you then." We said goodbye and hung up. I got off my bed and got ready.

I slipped into my favorite ripped jeans. I put on my brown Abercrombie shirt and slipped on my Roxy sandals. I guess people would label my prep. But im far from that label. For one, im smarter than most of the preps. And for two, im not boy crazy. If you know what I mean.

I put on my make up and brushed my hair. When I was finished, it was 5:45. Ok so I did get a late start. It wasn't my fault that I watched cartoons for 20minutes.

I grabbed $25 and my cell phone. I open my phone and dial Rachel's number. It plays her ring back tone. The song was almost over when she answered, "Hello?" She says

"Hey Rach." I say

"Hey. What's up?" She asks

I thought she was mad at me? "Um nothing. You want to go to the movies with me, Madison, Chelsea, and Ashley?" I ask her

"Umm, yeah sure. When?"

I was about to ask her what was up with her all day, but decided not too. She's over it so I really don't need to know. I laugh a little, "Um in 15minutes."

"Shit Spence, thanks for the heads up." I smile, "Ok I'll be there in 10."

"10?" I say. "are you already ready?"

"Well yeah, I didn't come home and sleep. I went to the mall with Sadie." Sadie, her older sister. She's really cool. She's like an older sister to me. She's 18 and just graduated last year from King High.

"Cool. Ok, so I'll see you then." We say goodbye and I was already in the car with my mom driving up to the movie theaters. We live about 10 minutes away from the theater.

We pull up to the theater and Madison, Chelsea, and Ashley was already there. I say bye to my mom and I get out of the car and she drives off. Madison spots me and im assuming she's telling Ashley that im here because Ashley turned to me and smiled. I walk onto the sidewalk and im almost to them. I smile back until I heard my name being called.

I turn around and it's Luke. Damn it. "Hey babe, what are you doing here?" he walks over to me

I turn to Ashley and then back to him, "Um, a movie." I walk towards him

He kisses me and I realize that I don't like kissing him. It kind of disgusts me. I pull away. I wonder what Ashley's thinking. "I thought we were going to do a movie tonight? I left you a message for you to call me."

"Oh, um, I lost my phone. Sorry." I lie to him. I really don't want to hang out with him. I hear Ashley laugh and I turn around and she shakes her head at me. I smile at her.

I turn back to Luke. He's looking at Ashley like the way he looked at me when I first met him, "Um, Luke?" I say

"Yeah?" He says and then looks at me

"So, im going to go." I tell him and I start to walk away until he says 'wait' and he grabs my hand and turns me back around.

"Spence! Come on!" Madison yells and she walks over to me. "Sorry buddy, but she has other plans with us. She'll call you when she finds her phone." She links her arm with mine and we walk away and over to Ashley, Chelsea, and Rachel who was waiting for us inside the theater.

When we walk up to them, Madison un-links our arms and we walk through the food line. We buy a large popcorn and a couple of drinks. We're seeing a comedy. (I forgot what movie we saw. Lol. But I know it was good! Geez, I wish I could remember!)

We walked into our theater that our movie would be playing. "Damn it!" I hear Ashley say. She was standing in the middle of Madison and Chelsea. I look over to her and look at the guy she was looking at. Is that her boyfriend?

"I cant believe he has the nerve to come to the same movie as us!" Madison exclaimed as she walked to the very back of the theater

"Who are they talking about?" Rachel leaned over to me

I shrugged my shoulders as I ate some popcorn. We all sat down in this order: Chelsea, Madison, Ashley, Me, and then Rachel. Im happy that we got to sit by each other.

During the movie, her hand would brush against mine and our shoulders would touch sometimes too. I couldn't keep a smile off of my face during the whole movie because of it. I know that I must of looked like an idiot. Im glad that we went to see a comedy too. Because if we saw a scary movie-- wait, if we saw a scary movie, I could have been 'scared' and grabbed her hand. Hehe.

After the movies, we went to star bucks and sat down. "That movie was so lame." Madison said as she sipped her latte and checked her phone

"No it wasn't!" Chelsea argued

I laughed at them. I looked at the time and it read, 9:45. I should have already been over in front of the movie theater for my mom to pick me up. I open my phone and noticed the 3 missed calls from her. My phone was on silent and I forgot to turn it up again. "I have to go." I tell everyone as I get up

Starbucks was right next to the movies. It was really cool because I loved Starbucks. So I didn't have to walk that far just to have some decent drink.

"Spence, can your mom give me a ride home?" Rachel asked and I nodded.

"Ok well, we'll see you two tomorrow bright and early!" Madison said really chipper like and we all laughed. We all knew that she was kidding because I learned from the first day I met her, she hated to wake up early. She'd rather be shopping im guessing.

We said goodbye to everyone and left.

We were talking about the competition on the soccer team when Ashley caught up to us. "Hey, Spence, you forgot your phone on the table." She handed me my phone

I smiled shyly at her, "Thanks Ash." I took my phone from her

She smiled back and said goodbye and walked off back towards Starbucks again. I smiled as I looked at my phone. Rachel was talking to me about something and I really should have been listening, but I got a text message. I hit view now and read it. _Hey Sleepy Head. _

It was from Ashley. I smiled and texted her back, _Hey um… well you don't have a nickname yet. Lol. _

I closed my phone and opened it up to call my mom. My background was changed to a really cute picture of Ashley. She must of taken it on the way to give it to me. The headline was changed too. It now said, "You know you love me." where as it use to say, "BBFL." And it was a picture of Rachel and I.

I laughed to myself, "What are you laughing at?" Rachel asked

I handed her my phone. She stared at her, "It's a picture of Ashley and it says 'you know you love me'. Ok?" She says and hands it back to me

I shrug. I don't want to tell her that I like her. Not right now. I know that I really like Ashley and im not scared of my feelings. I just don't want to lose Rachel. You know? You never know how she could react.

We get into my mom's car when I get a text message, _how about, Hot Stuff. Lol _

I silently laugh to myself. She is hot. _Hot Stuff. I like it. ;) _

We drop Rachel off at her house and I get a text message back, _You better, Baby. ;)_

That one made me laugh a little out loud and I texted her back. _What happened to Sleepy Head? _

A minute passed and I received a text message again, _Baby is better ;)_

I smiled to myself and texted her back, _Alrite Sexy._

My mom pulled into our drive way when I got another text message, _Haha Sexy. I like that better than Hot Stuff._

I text her back as I get out of the car, _Lol. Me too._

**Ok there it is. It was really long I think. Haha. I should have the next chapter up really soon. I already have it typed! Yay! Haha.**


	5. Using The Nicknames

**Thanks for reviewing! Blonde gone wild- :D That's all I have to say. haha. Cyberauthor- Flirting is the bestttt. ;) Hehe. CaliGirl21- I already replied to you in a message. Arh1986- im glad you love it. **

**Alright, now that im done with that… on with this. **

Ashley and I texted each other all night last night. We finally stopped when I fell asleep around 3 in the morning. I needed some sleep before the last day of tryouts.

I woke up at 6:30 and did the usual routine. Ate, got ready, and then left for practice. I got there at 6:50 and I was ready to go back to sleep. I walked onto the field and noticed that there were less girls there than the last two days. About 10 girls didn't show up. Maybe they're late? Hope not.

I sat down on the grass and I put on my sneakers. It was foggy today and really cold. You can see your breath. It's suppose to rain later today as well.

After I put on my sneakers, I grab my grey UCSB hoodie from my bag and I slip it on. "Hey." Rachel said tiredly as she sat down next to me

"Hey." I replied as Coach Jim yelled for everyone's attention.

"Good morning ladies!" He stood up on the bench, "After you are stretched out and you don't have cleats on, sign in and then line up on the track for the final run before you know which team you're on if you made it. Push it hard ladies!" He finished and got down off of the bench and walked back over to the sign-in table

I was watching Rachel put on her shoes because there was nothing else to do. After she put on her right shoe, I looked over at Ashley's group. She looked just as tried as me. She looked over at me and smiled. I returned it and stood up with Rachel and walked over to the table.

We were one of the first girls to sign in. A few girls just arrived. Great.

I signed my name after Rachel and we headed over to the track. "I so cant wait for this 6 miles to be over with." She complained

"Yeah same here. Way too early." I replied staring at a piece of gravel on the track

Then I felt a hand on my back and I heard, "Hey Baby." It was Ashley

A smile crept up onto my face, "Hey Sexy." She chuckled

"Ok, um, do I want to know?" Rachel and Madison asked in unison

My smile grew a little bit as I noticed when Ashley laughed, her nose crinkles. So adorable.

I stood there listening to Ashley talk to her friends. Rachel was talking to some other freshmen I never saw before. I sighed as I watched Coach Allen put his whistle in his mouth and walk over to us. He blew the whistle and everyone started off.

Ashley, Rachel, and I ran the pack this morning. I couldn't really believe that Rachel stayed with us throughout 4 miles. By the end of the 5th one, we lost her. Ashley and I still ran it and we were pushing hard. I just want the 6 miles to be over with!

Just like the last two days, Ashley and I raced to the finish line. This time though, we both didn't let either one win. About 15 feet away from the line, we pushed harder than we did throughout the whole 6 miles.

It was neck and neck the whole way. Neither one of us really won because we both crossed it at the same time. We walked over towards the grass laughing and arguing that the other one didn't win. "No I won by a foot. You didn't win." Ashley said grabbing her water bottle from her bag

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." I smiled. I actually like arguing with her. It's cute and fun.

"What are you smiling about?" She asked standing in front of me.

I shook my head, "Nothing." I smiled bigger and turned around and started to walk off

"Wait!" I hear her say and she ran up next to me and we both walked over to my bag.

We stood next to my bag as a few other girls finished the run. I pulled my arms out of the hoodie's sleeve and brought it over my head and set it on my bag. I was wearing a long-sleeve navy blue shirt. It had my last name and my number on the back. Number 12. I wear it proudly. On the front it has my traveling team name. Los Angeles Kickers.

I grabbed my water and took a drank out of it. Ashley was laying on the grass next to my bag and she watched me do all of this. I sat down next to her as Rachel and Chelsea finished the run and walked over to us. "I am so glad that run is over." Rachel said laying down on her stomach next to me

I laughed and took another drink of water. "I wonder who's going to make it." I say finally

"yeah." Chelsea said as she grabbed a cup of water from the water table and took a drink out of it

About 10 minutes passed and we were allowed to pack up because the Coaches were having a little meeting and writing names on envelops to hand out to the girls.

Another 10 minutes passed and the Coaches started to hand them out. Rachel, Chelsea, Madison, Ashley, and me all sat there, waiting anxiously for our envelop. Chelsea got hers first and started to open it up when the Coach yelled out something, "Remember Ladies! Open them up when you get home. If I catch you opening them up here, then you will be off the team." He continued to hand them out

"Damn it." Chelsea said as she stared at the envelop. She got up off the ground and grabbed her bag, "I'll call you guys later and tell you what team I made." She smiled at us and walked off

"She made varsity probably." Madison said as she received her envelop. She stood up, grabbed her bag, and smiled a goodbye at us and left.

Now there was 3. Rachel got hers next. She sat there with Ashley and I until we both got our envelops. As soon as we got ours, we went to the front of the school. We stood in a triangle and opened them up. Ashley read hers first, "Varsity and team captain!" She smiled

"Congrats!" I chuckled nervously as Rachel opened hers

"Varsity." She jumped for joy and me and Ashley laughed

They looked at me, "Your turn, Baby." I smiled at her and read my letter out loud

"Spencer Carlin, you have made the Varsity team and Co-Captain. Congratulations and we'll see you Monday after school at 3:15. Make sure you get a lot of rest! Coach Jim and Coach Allen." Rachel hugged me first. It was more like a bear hug. Then her mom honked her car horn and she had to leave.

Then it was 2. I looked over at Ashley. "Congrats, Baby." She smiled and brought me into a hug.

Her hug was nothing like Rachel's. It was warm and comforting. My body felt like it fit right with hers. She pulled away when my mom pulled up and I wish she hadn't. I feel cold already.

"Alright Baby, I'll call you later." She smiled at me as I picked up my bag

"Bye Sexy." I smiled back at her and I got into my mom's car.

"Well?" Geez, not even a 'hey Spencer, how was practice?'

I sighed, "I didn't make it." I lie

"What?!" She exclaimed and opened her door, "I am going to have a word with them!" She started to get out

"Wait mom! I was just joking," I laughed as I held up my paper, "I made Varsity!"

My mom laughed at my little joke after she cooled down. She was always over dramatic about things. Rather annoying if you ask me.

We drove home and I took a shower and got ready to go to my dad's house. I couldn't wait to tell everybody that I made the varsity team. Yes, im even excited to tell my evil step-mother that I hate a lot.

My dad married Susan shortly after the divorce was final. She is totally fake every where. No joke. Fake tan, fake teeth, fake hair and fake person. She's a bitch. She was ok when they first married, but then she turned into an evil step-mother back in the beginning of 8th grade. She kind of found out that I was gay when she found my journal under my pillow. The one time I forget it.

After that, she hated me. She told my dad about it and he didn't care. So really, my dad, Susan, and Sadie all know that im gay. I so can not tell Rachel. I really don't know how she'll react. Or my mother, damn, her and Susan are both homophobic.

It's going to be hell when I finally decide to come out. Being in sucks, but it's safer than being out right now.

I walked out of the front door to my dad's car. I looked inside and he brought Susan with him, great. I sat in the backseat and I was about to tell them that I made it when my phone started to ring. _She would change everything, for happy ever after. _I opened it up, "Hey Sexy." I say into the phone

"Spencer, who are you talking too?" The witch speaks

"A friend from soccer." I say with an attitude, "What's up Ash?" I ask her

"Nothing. Where are you?" She asked me

"Im in my dad's car." I tell her

"Oh. Who was that then?" I don't like where this is going

"Um, just one of my dad's friends from work." I tell her. I highly doubt she believes me

"Ok then…" Yeah, it doesn't sound like she does. "So, me, Madison, and Chelsea are going out tonight. You wanna come?" She asks

Im glad she changed the subject, "Oh for real?" I say. I know I cant go, I only get to see my dad every other weekend. Sometimes at my games and hardly during the holidays. "I'll call you back in like… 10 minutes ok?" I say

"Ok. Bye." She said and we hung up

I don't even bother asking my dad. I want to spend some time with him while I can. He's always working too or busy with his child that he had with Susan. They have a 5 year old daughter. At least it's not another brother. Her name is Rylee. She's actually really cute.

She has brown hair and green eyes. I taught her how to play soccer and now she's on the city league team. She plays forward just like her older sister.

We pull up to the house. It's a brown two story house. You know, one of those rich people looking houses? Yeah, that's what my dad lives in.

I walk inside and Rylee runs up to me. "Spencey!" She says hugging me

"Hey Ry," I hug her back

She pulls away, "How'd you do with um, your trying outs?" She asked me. Her arms are still around my neck

I smile at her, "I made varsity." I told her the last time I saw her that Varsity was a good thing. It's the team I wanted to be on.

"Yay!" She hugged me tightly again. She's my biggest fan. "Can we tell daddy?" She asked pulling away from me again

"No not yet. I want to surprise him." I can't believe that such a cute little angel came out of an evil witch

"Ok. Did you bring your bally?" She asked walking over to the closet next to the front door. She opens it up and brings out a little orange soccer ball. "Look what daddy bought me!" She hands me the ball

"Wow, that's cool. I like the color." Orange is her favorite color. Unlike mine which is blue.

"Me too! I love it!" She hugs it

She makes me smile so much. "You wanna play with me, Spencey?" She asked

"Yeah. Let me go put my bag in my room and I'll meet you in the back." I tell her and she runs into the other room

**Ok there is chapter 5! Hope you liked it. If you didn't? Then oh well. I should have the next chapter up in a couple of days. My step-mom and sister's name are the same as they are in reality. **


	6. Your Secert Is Safe With Me

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Um, Im not going to do the response to the reviews this time because there was really nothing to respond to in the reviews. Lol. Anywho… here is chapter… 6? Yeah chapter 6. Oh, and um, I just used my middle name for Spencer's. Does Spencer even have a middle name on the show?

I walk up to my room and I set my bag on my bed. I look around my room and it's totally empty, unlike my room at my mom's. I have stuff on the walls there and it's not a boring color. White. My room at my mom's house is white but with black paint splattered on the walls. Rachel, Abby, and me did it during this past summer.

Abby is my other best friend. We've known each other since 2nd grade. But I guess we aren't that close anymore. By 7th grade, when I got onto my first traveling team, we kind of separated. We use to be like Rachel and I but now we're just those really close friends. You know, the ones who should be your best friend because they know all of your secrets and all of your fears but now you aren't because of soccer.

Yeah, that kind. She was the person I can trust with anything! I can still, but im still way too scared to tell her my biggest secret. I think she knows something is up with me but she's too scared to ask me what's going on. I cant blame her.

I walk back down and go into the kitchen to get a glass of water. As I took a drink of my water, my dad walks in. "Hey honey." He says opening the fridge. Im assuming that he's about to start dinner.

"Hey dad." I say setting my cup down, "Is Rylee in the back already?" I ask as I head over to the back door

"Oh no sweetie, we're putting the pool in the back yard. She's in front waiting for you." He tells me as he closes the door

I look at the food in his hand. Steak. Yummy. "Bout time." I smile at him and start to walk away, "And nice choice for dinner." I head out to the front yard.

"It's about time, Spencey!" Rylee kicks the soccer ball at me

I chuckle, "Sorry." I kick it softly back at her

She puts her foot on top of it, "Lizzy can juggle the ball on her foot. Will you teach me how to do that?" I nod. Lizzy is just a year older than Rylee. She's the star on the team that they play on. Her and Rylee hate each other a lot. They're always competing against each other.

I walk over next to Rylee and I put the ball in front of me. I kick it up in the air and it bounces on my thigh. I let it land on the ground and I turn to my little sister, "Can you do that much?" I ask her and I watch her nod

I take a step back from Rylee to let her try to do it. She kicks the ball up in the air and it comes back down and it hits her knee and shoots into the street. She starts to run for it until I grab her arm. "I'll get it." I tell her

I walk down the yard and over to the street. I make sure no cars are coming before I cross it to the other side to retrieve the ball. Usually I don't look, but I have to be a good role model for Rylee.

As I cross the street, I notice the ball in the people's yard. As I recall, I never seen the people who live around here. I wonder if I know any of them.

I step onto the grass and pick up the orange soccer ball. I turn around to leave as I hear the front door open and I hear a woman clear her throat. I slowly turn around, "Im sorry. My ball--" She cut me off

"You kids annoy me so much! Don't ever come onto my yard again! You hear?!" The lady looked to be around in her late 40's. She took a drag from her cigarette. Gross.

I nod at the lady, "Mom who are you yelling at now?" I hear a girl say from inside the house. It kind of sounds like-- "Spencer?" Ashley.

A tiny smile crept up onto my face, "Hey Ash." I say quietly

"Spencey! Come on!" I hear Rylee yell

"Mom, you can leave." Ashley said walking out of, what im assuming is her house. She shut the door behind her. "Do you live around here?" She asks me

I swallow. I really don't know what to say. If I tell her that my dad lives here, then she'll defiantly know that my parents are divorced. And if I tell her yeah, she'll still know that my parents are divorced because she's seen my mom before.

I look at Ashley and noticed that she wasn't looking at me anymore. She must be looking at Rylee. Crap!

I turn around and Rylee is crossing the street. "Rylee!" I say running to her. I get down to her level, "What are you doing? You know you're not suppose to cross the street alone." I tell her quietly

"Spencey, you were taking a long time." She drug the 'long' out.

I sigh as I stand up. I take her hand. I turn around and there she is. Next to us. She smiles down at Rylee, "Hey Rylee." She says

"Hi Ashley." She gives a little wave, "Do you know my sister, Spencey?" She asks

I look at Ashley with a tiny smile, "Yeah I know her. We go to the same school and we're on the varsity soccer team together." She tells her

"I… um… didn't know you lived there." I finally managed to get some words out. I say them quietly though and I know that Ashley noticed that change in my behavior.

I watch her eyebrows as they raise a little bit, "Um yeah. I didn't know that you lived there either." She says

"Oh she only lives there every other weekend." Damn it Rylee!

"Rylee." I say really quiet but loud enough for her to hear it

"Sorry." She says looking down at the ground

"Spencer! Rylee!" We all look at the Witch who's calling our names from the front door. "Get in here!" She yells and closes the door

"Uh oh. We got to go. We don't want to get in trouble." Rylee says looking up at Ashley

Ashley chuckles, "Ok." She looks over at me, "So, im guessing you cant come with us tonight?" she asks

I shake my head, "Sorry." I says quietly. Rylee tugs on my arm for us to go.

"It's cool. Later Spence. Bye Rylee." Ashley says as we walk away

We get to our yard again and Rylee runs inside. I look behind me and Ashley is walking to her door. I sigh and turn around, "Hey Ash!" I call and she turns around

I run over to her yard again and she meets me there, "Can you… promise not tell anyone about this?" I ask quietly

"What? That your parents are really divorced?" She says

I look down at the ground, "Yeah." I say quietly and I look back up and I stare at her. She's really beautiful. Her chocolate eyes and that one freckle on her cheek. "Only you know now. I've managed to keep it a secret since it happened."

She smiles at me and hugs me, "I promise." I hug her back. I don't want to let go. Her hug is really warm and my body fits right with hers. That's when I knew that I was actually falling for her. I sigh as I tighten the hug. I feel her tighten her arms around me. I smile. I breath in what she smells like. French Vanilla. My new favorite smell.

"Spencer Marie Carlin!" It was the witch again. I pull back from Ashley. That hug lasted longer than it should have lasted.

"Um, I gotta go." I say quietly. I give her a tiny smile and walk over to the Witch.

I walk up to her and I still feel Ashley's eye's on me. I look at Susan and she smacks the back of my head, "When I say get in the house, I mean it." She says coldly as I walk past her.

When I get past the Witch, I turn around. She's looking at Ashley again and then shuts the door. I walk in the back yard and onto the porch where my dad is cooking. Rylee must be in her room. I sit on the railing next to the grill. "Hey Sweetie." He says turning the one of the steaks over.

"Hey dad." I say really quite

He looks up at me and I know that he knows something is bothering me. "What's the matter?" He asks

I sigh and jump down off the railing as Susan walks outside, "Nothing." I say and walk inside

I walk into my room and lay down on my bed. I stare up at the ceiling. The plain white boring ceiling. I sigh as I close my eyes. I really wish my dad didn't ever remarry. My phone started to ring in my back pocket. _She would change everything for happy ever after. Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster, _I take my phone out of my pocket and look at the caller ID, _But she just needs someone to take her home. Cuz she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's ok. _It's Ashley. I smile as I answer it, "Hey." I say quietly

"You ok?" She asks causally

I sigh into the phone, "Yeah." But really im lying

"Your step-mom is a bitch." She tells me

Silence. I didn't say anything because once, finally someone agrees with what I think of her. "Yeah." I say once again too quiet. My eyes filled with tears because I hate lying. I hate telling everyone that im ok. I hate lying to everyone about everything about me. I hate pushing my friends away when I need them the most.

Ashley keeps quiet. Im sure she knows that im about to burst into tears. There is a knock on my door and I quickly wipe them away from my eyes. I look at the door and the Witch walks in. "Spencer," She says sternly

"What?" I say trying to be strong

She stares at me with daggers in her eyes. I swallow hard, "Off the phone. Now. Unless you want to be grounded and not have your phone. You need to go clean the basement and the oven. They are both really dirty and im not doing it." and with that said, she's out of my room with the door closed.

I blink. I swallow hard and try to find my voice. "Um," I start

"Yeah I heard… so um, I guess I'll talk to you…" She says

"Um, I guess Monday at school." I say quietly

"Ok. Hey, if you need anything." She says

I smile, "Thanks Ash." I say

"Anytime." She replies

Just then I hear my name being yelled, "I have to go." I tell her

We say bye and then we hang up. I leave my phone on my bed and I go clean the basement first. I don't know why I have to clean the basement. I don't even go down here, nor do I even cook in the oven. I did once and that's when the Witch started to make me clean it. She needs to go to hell.

After dinner, I run back up to my room and lay down. It's around 8:15 and the sun is almost all the way down. I want this weekend to go by fast. I cant stand being here with her. She treats me way different than Rylee. I know why too, Rylee is her biological daughter. Im not and she's homophobic. So that's another strike. One more and that's 3 strikes and im out.

I fell quickly asleep as I listened to my iPod. The last song I listened too before sleep overtook me was Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin.

Ok, um there is chapter 6. So I realized as I was typing the part with my step-mom slapping me, that this story isn't just for fun too write, but a way to release everything that I never told anyone when I was 14. There's a lot more to come if everybody still wants to read it.


	7. Yellow Poka Dot Bikini

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! So here is the next chapter! Happy Turkey Day!

Oh, and before I let you read the story. I want you too know that I changed the summary.

I woke up to someone calling me. Ugh, I really need to turn my phone off during the weekends. I grab my phone and look at the caller ID. Luke. Ugh I am so not answering it. I hit ignore and take my ear phones out of my ears and I place my iPod on my night stand. I grab my phone once more to see what time it is. It's 9:45.

I sigh as I lay back down. I look up at the ceiling and then out of the window that my bed is next too. I can see Ashley's house. I wonder why I never knew that she lived there. I start to think of why I never noticed that.

When 10 came around, I figured that I didn't know because I hardly knew her when I was in 7th grade. I only saw her once or twice and that's when I was just beginning to question my sexuality. That and I never really hardly ever come to my dad's house. And if I do, I only go to the back yard.

It use to be the hang out spot. Now that it is being re-modeled to put a pool in that my dad promised when he first moved into this house.

I crawl out of bed and go to the bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror. I close my eyes and sigh once more before I exit to go downstairs to see The Witch and my dad and Rylee.

They're all sitting down at the table. My dad is trying to shush Rylee and the Witch is rolling her eyes as she sips her coffee. "Hey." I say quietly as I sit down in the last vacant seat

"Morning Sweetie. Did she wake you?" My dad says as he kisses my forehead before he pours himself another cup of coffee

"No, Luke did." I tell them

The Witch made a noise like it was disbelief or something like that. I roll my eyes and ignore her. "Hey dad, I have something too tell you about soccer." I say excitedly

"Ugh, do you ever talk about anything else but soccer?" The Witch says coldly as she gets up from the table and walks into the other room

"Forget her sweetie. What is it about?" My dad asks me.

I look at the man standing in front of me. I smile at him, "I made varsity." I tell him quietly

"Congratulations!" He said pulling me into a standing position and hugging me

I hug him back, "This deserves a celebration lunch." He pulls back with a smile

I give him a shy smile back. "Thanks dad." I say

We went to lunch that afternoon and it was ok. It wasn't fun because of Susan. She just _had _to come because she says she _loves _me. What a bunch of bull dung. Yes, I said dung.

When we got home, there was a note on our front door. I got to the door first with Rylee, but she couldn't reach the note. Too short.

I grab the note off of the door and I read it. It said that our pool was done. And good thing, it's a hot one today!

"Dad! The pool is done and ready to swim in!" I yell to him anxious to go swimming

"Can we go swimming daddy?" Rylee asked him as he walked up the 3 steps to our front door. I handed him the paper and he read it himself. Rylee and I watched him read it and then smile and nod.

"Yes!" Rylee and I said in unison.

He opened the door and we went to our rooms to change. I put on my Roxy bikini. It was all black; both pieces, and the edges were outlined with a cute color pink. It looked really cute. I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and ran downstairs. My dad and Rylee were already in.

I smiled as I walked out of the sliding door. My dad got out and started to walk to me. "What are you doing?" I asked him setting the towel down

"Im reaching for a towel." He said reaching for a towel. He brought it up slowly as I walked pasted him. All of a sudden he picked me and threw me in.

"AH! Dad!" I said laughing coming up from out of the water

My dad laughed, "You should never believe a Carlin." He said and did a cannonball into the water, splashing me and Rylee

We laughed as he broke the surface, "Spencer!" I whipped my head around to see the Witch saying my name, "Go get the bags of groceries from the car." she said sternly sitting down in a chair

I sighed as I got out of the pool and walked inside. Not even bothering grabbing a towel. I walked outside and started to make my way over to the car. I got to the car and opened the door. I looked over at Ashley's house and she was outside with Madison. Ashley saw me. I am so happy that I have a nice even dark tan, and great abs right now. I grabbed the two bags of groceries that Susan just couldn't grab when she was out here.

I take one more look over at them and Ashley is still staring. I smiled shyly at her and walked back inside. I set the bags on the counter and walked back outside. "Hey dad! Can I invite a friend over?" I ask him

"Who? Rachel?" He asked

I shook my head, "Um no. Ashley. She lives across the street." I tell him

"Oh that stuck-up spoiled rich kid?" Susan said getting up from her chair

"She's not stuck-up and she's not spoiled." I tell her sternly.

"Spence." My dad said and I rolled my eyes. "Yes you can invite her." He tells me and then throws Rylee. She barely even made a splash

I walked back inside and back to the front. I walked outside and Madison was leaving. She must of spent the night. I waited on the front porch until she was gone until I walked over to Ashley. I watched Madison's mom drive away and Ashley started to walk back to her house.

I got up from the chair I was sitting in and walked down the front yard. Right before Ashley walked inside her house I called her name. She turned around and I was already in her front yard. Ok, so I did run a little bit. She looked at me with a smile on her face, "Um hey." She said once again looking my body up and down. I'll pretend I didn't see it because she probably doesn't know that she's doing it. "Hey. You wanna go for a swim?" I ask her

"Right now?" She asks finally focusing on my face

"No in a couple of weeks." I say with a smile and I flick some water on her

"Hey! Ok ok I'll go." She smiled at me and walked inside. "You can come in you know." She said coming back out for a second.

I follow her in her house. Luckily I dried off some to where I wasn't dripping water anymore. I follow her up to her room. Her room is the same boring white color as my room at my dad's. Someone needs to tell her that colored bedrooms are in. I watch her go to her dresser and pull out a yellow bikini with white poka-dots on it. She walks into her bathroom and changes.

While she changes, I look around her room. I notice some pictures on her dresser. One of them are with her best friends, Madison and Chelsea of course. Another one is a picture of her and who im assuming is her boyfriend. I really hate that guy. Even though I don't know him, or his name, or what he's like. Grr.

I look at another picture of them and I made a face to him. Why? I don't know either. I just made a face at him. I heard Ashley laughing and I turned around and my cheeks started to turn red, "Im taking you don't like Aiden?" Oh so he has a name.

"Who?" I say playing dumb and then I realized that she was in a bikini. She had a dark even tan like I did. Her body was perfect and very toned. I realized that I was checking her out when she cleared her throat.

My cheeks turn really red and now I couldn't even look at her. I just turned around and looked at the pictures again. I was holding back my smile and that was really hard. Especially when she came up next to me. "So um… I guess I'll just pretend I didn't see that and you do the same." She tells me

I turn to her and we were about a half a foot from our bodies touching. My heart actually started to pound harder and I really hope that she cant hear it. I noticed that she was just as tall as me, 5'6". I can smell the French vanilla from here. "Um… yeah, ok." I say finally.

We both turn and our hands brush. I don't think she felt the electricity that went through my hand when she just barely touched it. I took a slightly deep breath and we made it into my back yard. My dad was just getting out and he walked over to us. I stood behind Ashley, "What are you doing?" She asked me

"Yeah, what _are _you doing?" my dad asked with a smile

"Being thrown into a pool!" I hear from behind me. I turn around quickly and it's my brother Glen. He ran over to me and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

There was no way I was getting down, so why fight him. I look over at Ashley and she's laughing at me. I glare at her and then Glen threw me in. When I broke the surface, I heard Ashley yelp. I look at her and Clay has her over his shoulder. I was laughing at her this time, "Shut up Carlin!" She laughed and then landed into the water

We all swam for a good 3 hours. It was a lot of fun until Ashley had to go home. I walked her home and at her door she told me, "Remember… not a word." She smiled at me

I nod to her and she smiles a goodbye and shuts the door. I sigh with a smile as I turn around and head back to my house.

We all ate dinner and hung out watching a movie afterwards. I fell asleep in the middle of it.

Sunday was just a boring day. Nothing happened. I went back to my mom's house and called my friends back.

Monday was here now. I woke up, got ready and ate. Today, I was officially a freshman. I wore a really cute navy blue Hollister top, denim jeans, and flat shoes. My hair was down. I grabbed my black Jansport backpack. I was ready for school.

I got to school and met up with Rachel and Abby. We walked to the gym to get our schedules. After we all got our schedule, we went to look for our classes. We got there early so we could find our classes so we wouldn't be late or get lost. My schedule was:

1- Biology Dixon

2- Dance Sims

Break

3- Language Green

4- Math York

Lunch

5- Social Studies Brown

6- PE Allen

At least I'll have my soccer coach as my PE coach. I headed off to my first class. Rachel was in my 2nd and 5th period class. Abby was in my 4th and 6th period class. I so hope that I have friends in my other classes!

I sit down in the back of the room in a desk thing. It's not really a desk. It's more like a table type thing. There are two stools at the table/desk thing and then another table/desk with another two stools. It's a cold room. I knew I should of brought a jacket. I rub my hands up and down my arms.

A few other kids come into the room. I don't know any of them. They look like sophomores. Great, I'll be taking classes now with upperclassmen.

I pull out my phone and turn it on vibrate and put it back into my back pocket. I rub my arms with my hands again. "Hey, you cold?" I turn to see who it is. It was Luke. I smile at him as he sits down and hands me his jacket.

Great. He's in this class and he's going to be sitting next to me. That's just what I need. I saw Madison and Chelsea sitting up front. At least if I wanted, they could save me.

First period went by quickly. I met up with Rachel so we could walk to 2nd together. "Is that Luke's jacket?" She asked me as we took a seat in a metal chair that was on the dance floor. I nod with a fake smile. I look around the room to see if I know anyone.

I know a lot of these people in this room. Half of them hate me because im dating Luke and the other half I hate because they're stuck up, self-centered, people. Ugh, this is going to be one long year.

Ok there it is. Next chapter will have the rest of the school day and maybe soccer? I don't know.


	8. Nerd Much?

**Yeah? So how was everybody's Thanksgiving? If you ask me, mine totally blew. Well here is the update!**

Dance class went by fast. We didn't do anything yet and it was totally boring. I hope that we actually do something soon… you know, fun.

Rachel and I met up with Abby in the quad. The quad is where everyone hangs out. Well, all the cool people. Ha. Anyways, so we met up with her.

As we were walking down we passed some girls from the soccer team. "Did you make it?" One of them asked us. Her name was Trisha. She was really cool. She was a kick ass goalie. We both nodded, "Varsity right?" She asked

Once again, we both nodded. "Awesome. See you guys after school." She smiled a goodbye at us and continued on her way

We finally found Abby, "Damn, this school is soo much bigger than middle school." Abby said hugging us

I nodded. "Um yeah! But have you seen the guys?" Rachel smiled big

"Um yeahh! Can you say hot?" I swear my friends are so immature. I smile to myself because I know im the same way. But on the inside. And not about boys. I listen to my friends talk about the guys that go here.

"Hey there Baby." I hear from behind me

I smiled as I turned around, "Hey there Sexy." I chuckle and hugged her

"Ok what the hell is up with the nicknames?" Ah, Madison is here with no morning coffee. I smiled at her and gave her a hug too

I glance over at Abby and she raised her eyebrows at me. I ignored it and looked back over at Ashley and Madison, "So um, you made it right?" I asked Madison

"Girl, do you ever listen?" She said and laughed along with Rachel

I looked over at Ashley. Well no wonder I don't listen when you're with your best friend. She's wearing a short denim skirt and a really cute baby blue top. Her hair is down and frames her face perfectly. "Spencerrr?" Rachel said

I looked at her and turned completely red. Rachel and Madison laughed. I smiled shyly as I looked over at Ashley. She smiled back at me and I looked over at Abby. She grabbed my arm and pulled me aside real quick, "Hey um, do you want to talk about… something?" She asked

I looked at her. Now is so not the time to tell her that im gay and I have a huge crush on Ashley. I shake my head, "Im just thinking…" I say

"About?" She says. I study her for a second. I can tell that she wants to know what's going on with me.

"Stuff." I smile

"You know—" She started but then the bell rang

"Abs, im fine. Promise." I say and I give her a reassuring smile. I really hope that she can't see that this smile is really fake. But im sure she can. You know, how it is. Your first true best friend can really only read you. They know you better than you know yourself. I swear that's the vibe im getting from her.

We walk back over to Ashley, Madison, and Rachel. "Alright, well I have to go to class." Madison said and walked off

"Yeah I really don't want to be late. Abby, you're going that way right?" Rachel said pointing in a direction

Abby nodded and they said goodbye and left. It was just Ashley and I. "So um, I guess im going to go to class." I say quietly

"We're going in the same direction." She smiled at me and we started to walk

It was silent for a few seconds until Ashley said something, "So um, about earlier." She says

I keep staring at the ground. I really hope she doesn't ask me anything. "What was that about?" She asks

"Um, what do you mean?" I say playing stupid

I hear her laugh a little, "Come on Spence, we all saw it." She says, "Well I mean I know I saw it." She adds quietly

I look over at her, "I was just you know, admiring your really cute outfit." I smile at her. Good save Carlin. Good save. Kudos to myself.

"Oh." She says, "Anyways, um… what's the rest of your schedule?" She asks me

We stopped in front of my next class. I pull of the sheet of paper and hand it too her. I watch as she reads it over. A smile came across her face as she hands the paper back to me, "We have math together." She tells me

"So you're still in Algebra I?" I laugh a little as she starts to slowly walk to her class

She smiled at me, "Hey, I may be pretty, but im not all that smart. You know, I've been hit in the head a few too many times with a soccer ball, my friend." She laughed and waved a goodbye at me

She is something I tell ya. I sigh as I take the one last few empty seats left. I look around the room and I notice that I don't know anyone in this class. Finally a girl sits down next to me. Her name is Kayla. She plays left forward. I wonder if she's the other freshmen who made it on the team.

That class went by faster than my last 2 classes. Me and Kayla talked throughout the whole period. I found out that she did make the varsity team as the left forward. Me as the right.

Ashley waited for me outside her classroom. Turns out it was the last room on the hallway. Mine was the first. I smile as I walk up beside her. It was silent again but not an awkward silent.

We walked into the classroom to find Abby already in the back of the room flirting with some upperclassman guy. We sit down next to her. I sit behind her and then Ashley sits on the right of me next to the window. She turns to us, "Oh, hey." She says to us

I smile, "Abby this is Ashley. Ash, Abby." I introduce them

"Yeah we know each other already. We have first period Art together." Abby tells me

"Oh. You take art?" I turn to Ashley

She smiles at me. The teacher starts to talk, "Ok well I like to start off the school year with some nice easy math." He smiles at the class and writes a problem on the board. (This isn't the exact problem… but it's a problem that's in Alg I.) x-2414x+19

Easy. Piece of cake I tell ya. A few minutes passed and he was looking down the roll sheet. "Ok, um let's have… hmm…. Spencer Carlin? Come up to the board please." Ughhhh. You've got to be kidding me. He looks at the guys in the class and I stand up

"Oww!" Some dude said and I rolled my eyes. Typical.

"Miss, sit down—" Mr. York says but I cut him off

"Im Spencer." I say picking up a red dry erase marker and doing the problem in a matter of seconds. "Answer is -3.3" I say placing the cap back on the pen and taking my seat

"Wow, nerd much?" Ashley smiled

"Shut up." I smiled back at her

That classed went by faster than I thought it would. It sucks because we already have homework on the first day back to school. It's only a worksheet, so that's cool.

Lunch went by too fast and the last two classes went by slow. But it was all good, no homework in any but math. I think math is going to be my favorite class this year.

I stood next to Rachel as we changed into our practice uniforms. "So hey, are you pissed off at Luke or what?" She asked me as I sat down on the bench to tie my cleats.

I look up at her, "Huh? Why?" I ask

"Cause he came up to me today asking what crawled up your butt." She laughed

I roll my eyes and stand up, "Im not mad at him. But I am going to break up with him… soon." I tell her

"What?! Why?!" She exclaimed, "You two are so cute together!" Just then Ashley walked in

"No we aren't. Now shut up." I tell her picking up my bag and ready to leave

"Yes you were and for real, what did crawl—" I send her a evil look, "Ok ok. Nothing crawled up your butt. Your butt is crawl free." I laugh

"Rach, you are such a loser." I say walking out of the locker room with her behind me. "And stop talking about my butt like that."

We get over to the field and we sit down. Most of the girls were already here. I wonder what we're going to be doing for the first day. A few minutes passed and my phone started to ring. I didn't bother to look at the caller ID. Which I should have, because Luke was calling me. "Hello?" I say into the phone

"Hey babe. Bout time you found your phone." He said

"When did I lose—oh yeah… it was pretty hard to find." I roll my eyes

"So um, did you get the stick outta your butt?" He asked me

Ugh! "What the hell Luke? I don't have anything in my butt!" Rachel laughed next to me

I look over at her and Ashley and Madison were sitting next to her. They looked at me funny and Rachel told them what was going on. "Are you sure? Or is it… you know… that time." He says

Oh. My. God. What kind of guy freaking asks their girlfriend that? "What? No." I say pissed off. I close my phone and throw it into my bag. I turn to Rachel, "Now I have something up my butt." I say with a slight smile as Rachel laughs again. I get up and walk over to the water table to get a drink of water

"Hey is… um… everything alright?" Damn it Ashley. Does it look like everything is alright?

"Yeah, fine. Peachy." I say letting some water fall into the cup. I know that she could tell by the way I said that, that I was mad.

"Ok ok." She says and turns to walk away

"Wait." I say which makes her turn around again to face me. She crosses her arm over her chest. "Sorry. It's just… ugh, I hate boys." I make her smile

"Ha, you could always just turn into a lesbian and forget them completely." She laughs

Ha! Im already half way there. "Yeah true true. But then I'd have to go through all the trouble of finding a girlfriend." I say with a smile

She just truly made my mood better. How? I do not know. "Well you wouldn't have to look far." She said with a wink

I laugh and we walk back over to Madison and Rachel. Chelsea joined the group. "Hey guys." Chelsea greets us as we sit down next to her

A couple of minutes passed before we started practice. We started off with a half mile run. At least it wasn't a 6 mile run. Then we split into groups and worked on different things. There were 4 stations. 1 was kicking. 2 was running and kicking. 3 were passing. And 4 were just running.

I was put into a group with Chelsea and Trisha and some other girls who aren't all that important right now. We were stationed to station 1. I paired up with Chelsea and Trisha paired up with the senior bitch, Cindy. She my friend has something jammed up her butt so far and it ain't ever coming out.

Chelsea was really good. I never really practiced with her. I only ever really practiced with Rachel.

The practice went by fast for the first day. The four stations took up most of the time because there were about 20 girls on the team.

We all went back to the locker room after the coach talked to us. "Ugh, that practice was soo boring." Rachel whined

I rolled my eyes. Im really getting tried of her whining. I walked into the aisle we change in and I grabbed my bag and threw my cleats in it. I put on my shoes that I wore to school and slung my bag over my shoulder. "Hey I gotta run now. I'll see ya tomorrow." I smile a goodbye at Rachel and walk out to the front of the school to see my mom already waiting for me.

Earlier that day, she called me and left me a message telling me that she was picking me up at 5:30. So I already knew that I didn't have time to change. I have no clue where we are going though. But apparently we're in a rush.

"Mom, where are we going?" I asked her trying to find a decent radio station

"We are going to visit Grandma." She tells me

I look at her, "Why?" I ask. My grandma hates me. I think she knows im gay too. But I have no clue. She's hated me ever since I was little. I wonder why a lot of the times.

"Because she needs to be visited sometime you know." My mom tells me like I should have known that already

"But Grandma hates me." I tell her still staring at her

My mom glances over at me, "Yeah I know—" I cut her off

"Why does she hate me, mom?" I ask her

"Um well, I think she thinks you're…" She looks over at me, "gay." She tells me

My jaw tightens. What is wrong with this family? I don't say anything but I know I should because my mom might ask me if I am and im not ready to tell her. I cross my fingers, "But im not." I say really quietly uncrossing my fingers

"I know sweetie. Grandma… just worries, that's all. And she's really sick." She tells me. She honks the horn and cusses at the idiot who just cut us off. They should know to never anger this woman.

I turn and look out of the window. I wonder what Ashley is doing right now.

**Alrightly, well that chapter was boring. Lol. Um, the next one will have drama in it.**


	9. The Making Of A Superhero

**Kudos to everyone who reviewed! And if you want… virtual cookies. Lol. Yes… my grandmother is a bitch… like my mother and my step-mother… but you'll see more of that later in the "story". Anywho, I promised ya drama… well I didn't promise you... but you catch my drift. :)**

_**Means Dream… the italics.**_

We've been driving for about 10 minutes already. It's all been in silence. We pull onto a street that I've seen before, yeah, but I don't know anyone who lives on it. And I sure as hell know that my grandma doesn't live on it.

I turn to my mom to ask her where are we going, but she beat me too it, "Sweetie, we're picking up my friend, Alan. We work together—"

"You mean the guy you cheated on dad with? You're still seeing him!" I cut her off. Serves her right.

She sighs and looks at my clothes, "Do you want to change?" she stops in front of what im assuming is _his_ house

"Yeah, when pigs fly." I roll my eyes and climb into the back seat because I see the tall, skinny, guy walking out of the house. He has a reciting hair line already at what? How old is he? "How old is he?" I ask her

"My age." She replies back without even taking her eyes off of her 'stud'

"Oh, so old?" He opens the door and I glare at him. Jackass.

I don't like him. He ruined my parent's relationship and made me get a bitch of a step-mom.

"Spencer." Oh now she looks at me when she speaks to me.

I roll my eyes again, "Can't I just go home? You already have someone to go with you to Grandma's that she doesn't hate." I say

"No because we have news to tell." She takes his hand in hers

Who asked him to speak to me? "Ok, tell me now and save me the embarrassment." I say

I mother turns around to me. Can't we leave yet? "Fine, if you go home though, you're going to your dad's house. And you'll hear the news when you come home from school tomorrow." She tells me

Oh yeah like that's a threat. I'll hurry home. "Perfect."

The ride to my dad's house was silent besides when my mom called him to tell him that she was dropping me off at the house. Apparently they aren't home, they're at dinner. Im suppose to know where the spare key is but I don't. They never told me those… losers.

I sit on the porch steps. I swear it just got like… 10 degrees colder. I sigh as I open my soccer bag and pull out my hoodie. I lean up against the wall and lean my head back. I close my eyes and sigh, "I thought you said you come here every other weekend?" I hear from in the street

I smile and open my eyes. Ashley! I look over in the street and she's in my yard walking over to me. I make room for her next to me against the wall. There is no way im moving from this wall. I finally found a comfortable spot. She sits down when she finally gets to me. "Well, I rather not of spent another half hour in a car with my mom and my soon to be new daddy." I say closing my eyes again with a sigh

Ashley doesn't say anything. Im glad she doesn't. I could use the peace and quiet. "Your step-mom hates me." She says. Way to keep it quiet, Ash.

I look at her, "Yeah I was informed of that Saturday. She apparently thinks you're stuck up and what not." I tell her

I watch her as she sighs and looks at her hands that are in her lap. She's twirling her fingers around. It's cute when she does it. "You ok?" I ask her

Cant hurt to ask ya know? "Yeah im fine." She says quietly

"Ok, you're not allowed to be the quiet and depressed one." I make her smile. I smile back at her, "What's wrong?" I ask her again

She still hasn't looked up, "Im just thinking about something." She tells me

I sit there. Maybe if im quiet, she'll tell me more. Silence. Nope. "Yeah." I say

She shook her head, "So um… what's up with you?" She asks

Wait wait wait! You can't turn this conversation around on me! I was doing just fine with you just sitting here telling me about nothing. "Same ol' same ol'." I say and I make her laugh

It must not be that hard to make her laugh… and smile. Or if it is, then I have like… special powers. I should become a super hero or something—"Spencer?" Ashley says laughing again

"What?" I say. Did she just catch me thinking that I wanted to be a superhero? I'd be a sexy superhero and she could be my sidekick. Or just you know how superman has Jane? She could be my Jane!

"Ok you're doing it again. What the hell are you thinking about?" She laughs at me

Well doesn't that just bring up my self esteem? She shivers, "Me being a superhero." I smile at her, "You cold?" I ask

She laughs again, "Wow. You watch too much tv. And yeah just a tad."

"I barely watch tv." I watch you. I smile to myself as I look through my bag to see if I have an extra hoodie or something. I don't know why I do, I know I don't. I take my hoodie off and I hand it to her. "Here just wear this."

"Won't you be cold?" She asks and puts it on

I sit there for a moment, "Yeah." She laughs again

"Just come with me to my house and I'll grab a sweatshirt." She says with a smile

"Ok but that's all im doing. Nothing else my dear." I make her smile even more

"You couldn't handle me." We stand up. And yes I could. I handle you on the soccer field, little miss road runner.

"Yes I could. You just couldn't handle me." I grin at her. My super powers will be mind-reading.

We walk to her house. Arms linked. She doesn't know, but her touch burns my skin. Like a good burning. I like it and I don't want to let her go. But she lets go as soon as we're in her house and her mom walks into the room.

"Ashley sweetie, I thought you were right behind me---" She glares at me. Geez, what is it with older women and hating the Super Hero? You know, I could be saving them from a burning building one day.

"We're going up to my room." Ashley says and grabs my hand. I don't want to let go. This is a hell of a lot better than kicking the winning goal in a championship game.

We get into her room and she lets go. My hand is cold now. I just stand there awkwardly by her bed where she left me to go to her closet. I turn around and I find more picture frames. It's more of her and her friends. Who knew?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see her walking out of her closet and she throws me the sweatshirt. Right, she's still wearing mine. Yay! I look at the hoodie that she's thrown me and it's just a plain black hoodie with her last name on the back. Just like the one she's wearing, but mine's navy blue. I slip it on, "You have a lot of pictures of you and your friends." I tell her

"Is one of your super powers? Observing?" She's mocking me and my super hero-ness

I smile at her and that's all I do. "We need one." She gets off of her bed and walks over to the dresser I stood next to yesterday and grabs a camera out of the top drawer.

"Are you serious? I look like crap." I tell her lying down on my stomach on her bed

She lies on her back next to me. My stomach is literally doing flips right now. I flip over onto my back. Maybe 'fall-in-love-with-me' powers too.

"Are you smiling?" She asks me. I wasn't.

Now I am, "Yeah." I say and she takes the picture. "Why'd we have to take it when we're lying down?" I ask her. I look at her.

I smiles at me, "Cause it's my good side."

"You're always bea---" I stop myself. Ok I also need 'know-when-to-shut-up' powers too.

She just stares at me and I sit up. Oh my god how I wish I had those powers. Those and that one that turns back time. Wow I'd be a kickass super hero. I need a super hero name.

Ok it's been silent for like… a long time. "So um, lollipops. How many licks does it really take?" I ask

And she laughs. She laughs too much. But I love her laugh! It's cute, "Um, ADD much?"

Hey it's better than that awkward silent we were just in. Or was it just me? Not fair. She's probably a super-villain. She sighs and gets up and walks over to her tv and puts in a movie and grabs two remotes and goes and lays back down on her bed. "Oh I have ADD." I laugh and join her at the top of the bed

She laughs and I lay down on her really soft pillows. Then The Notebook starts to play. "You like this movie?" I say

"You don't?!" She laughs and I feel her laying down next to me. Good, I didn't like her sitting up against her headboard.

I smile up at her, "I tolerate it." But I secretly love it. Rachel and Abby think that I shouldn't like this movie because it's too mushy lovie dovie type. So I decide to let her in on another one of my secrets, "But I secretly love it." There's the smile I love

"Just like you're secretly a super-hero?" She giggles

I haven't heard her giggle yet and I love it. I love it a lot. I smile at her and bring my index finger up to my mouth, "Shhh." I chuckled and we started the movie

Half-way through it though, I fell asleep next to her. I had a dream about her too. The first dream about her.

_We're on my bed after swimming. But it's not my room at my dad's; it's my room at my mom's house. But we're at my dad's house. Everything is backwards and I don't like it. The only thing I like about it is that Ashley Davies is in fact in my room. In her yellow poka dot bikini. _

_It's during the summer because my window is open and a nice summer breeze just came through. We both smile at each other and she starts to talk, "Let's play 20 questions."_

"_Ok." I reply "You go first." I tell her_

_I watch her nod her head. A few drops of water fall from her wet hair. "What is your favorite color?" She asks_

"_Blue. Hands down." She giggles and I fell for her even more. "Are you ticklish?" I ask her_

_She eyes me for a second, "No." She says but I know she's lying. She's flaring her nose. I smile and I tickle her ribs. She is in fact ticklish. I knew it._

_Next thing I know is that im on top of her. Straddling her to be exact. I stop tickling her and I lower my head to hers. It's about an inch away from her face, "Can I kiss you?" I ask her quietly _

_She nods her head and our lips meet._

I open my eyes and I look at the screen. The credits are playing. My breathing is heavy and im sweating a little. I look over at Ashley. She's asleep too. I smile as I hear the cute noise she makes. I look for her clock and I finally find it. The time is 10:45. Crap.

I slowly get off of the bed and I walk out of her room and into the bathroom to call my dad. "Spencer Marie! Where the hell are you?" He yells into the phone

"Dad im over at Ashley's. Don't worry." I speak really quietly.

"What? Is it that hard to leave a note nowadays?" He raises his voice

"I never got inside the house! Chill out. Im just going to stay here alright? We fell asleep watching a movie. Ok?" I say rolling my eyes

I listen to him sigh, "Ok, just come over here to get a change of clothes in the morning, ok?"

"Yeah. Night dad, love you." I tell him and we hang up. Ugh, I can't believe that I fell asleep in my practice clothes. She must be kind of mad at me.

I walk back into her room and she's not on her bed. Where did she go? Oh! She is a super villain! Her and her stupid invisibleness, "Oh, Spence I thought you left." She said pulling on some superman pj pants. See, told ya. She is my Jane.

And then, I remembered the dream. Of course it was a dream. I close my eyes and shake my head. "Um no, I had to call my dad though." I tell her walking over to her bed and sitting down

She crawled under the covers. She's also wearing a white tank top. And a black bra. But it's not like I noticed anything else. "Oh are you leaving?" She sounds kind of sad

"If you want me too." I say and she smiles

"No I don't want you too." She lifts the cover up.

"Yeah im not getting under in these. Im just going to run over to my house and grab some clothes to sleep in." I say standing up

She gets up off the bed and walks over to her dresser, "Here." She says throwing me a pair of boxers and a wife-beater. Oh she so wants me. Well, I can only dream, right?

I change into them in front of her. Yeah, take that. Me and my nice body. She watches me and I can't help the smile that's on my face. I crawl into the bed next to her. Her body heat I can feel. I close my eyes and hope that I have the same dream about her as before.

**Ok well idk if there was drama… but you got us… them… whatever floats ur boat sleeping in the same bed :) **


	10. Lying Only Makes It Worst In The End

**Ahh! I haven't updated in a while. Lol. I got grounded. :D it was sooo worth it too. Hehe. Well im still grounded… but my evil witch of a step mother is outta town with my padre and my lil sister is over at one of her friends' house. So im here. Stuck inside the house because the hawk (my neighbor) is watching my every move. So, I decided that I'll just update for you guys:) Oh and yes I did mean Lois Lane instead of Spidy's woman. Lol. Im not that into comic book stuff. Lol.**

The next day at practice was pretty fun actually. We got to pick partners and I went with Rachel. I was actually kind of sad though because Ashley and I didn't get to be partners. But it all worked out. She got to be with Madison.

We then had to split into groups. Four people per group. Ashley and Madison came to join me and Rachel. Poor Chelsea always gets stuck without us.

We got into our groups and we all sit down on the grass. I could sense something was up with Rachel. I sensed it all day, but I swear it just got worse. I turn to her as Ashley and Madison were talking to each other. "You ok?" I ask her quietly

I watch as she bits her lower lip. She doesn't answer and I know that something is really wrong with her, "Rach?" I say

She shakes her head and turns her head and looks over into the empty bleachers. I sigh and then shiver as a cold wind blows across the soccer field. Then Coach Allen starts to speak, "Ok ladies. Since you all don't really know each other this year. We decided that we would get to know each other today. From our pervious practices and tryouts, I've watched all of you very well. You all have great chemistry with each other and you've all been doing well. So we're going to be in our little groups and ask each other questions. Have fun!" I watch as he sits down in a chair that was next to Coach Jim's.

I look at Ashley and Madison and I watch them as they talk. I still can't really believe that I slept with her last night. Well in her bed with her. I noticed then, when she talks, she uses her hands a lot. It's kind of annoying actually. Then she stops like she could hear my thoughts. She glances over at me and smiles. I smile and turn shyly away. Maybe she does know what she does to me.

I look at Rachel who found a lot of interest in a piece of grass. She's picking at it. I shake my head and smile. I look up at the grey sky. Overcast. Being a weather woman wouldn't be all that hard actually. Just look outside and bam! You got your forecast.

"Spencer?" I look over at Madison who just called my name

"Huh?" I say. As she could tell, she caught me off guard.

"Why were you staring at the boring ugly sky?" Because I wanted to see how easy it was to be a weather woman, Madison. That's why.

"Same reason she's still going out with Luke." Ashley says quietly

I look at her and smile, "I heard that." I laugh a little

I watch as her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. "Sorry." She says and she finds the same interest in the grass like Rachel did. What's with this grass? I look down at the green and brown grass. Nothing. Boring. I don't see why they think it's interesting.

"Ladies," We all look up at the female voice. Who is she? She's… hot. "Are you doing what you're supposed to be doing?" She looks around to be 18 or 19.

"Yeah, why?" Madison says. At least she still has her voice. But it's not as sexy as Ashley's. I look over at her and she is still looking at the grass. I kick the part of grass she was messing with. She looks up and smiles.

"It didn't sound like it." She said to us

"Were you trying to eavesdrop?" Madison asks. She has an attitude towards her! Oooh!

"No…" She replies back to Madison. She crosses her arms across her chest

Madison opens her mouth to say something back to her, but I beat her too it. I don't want Madison to get in trouble, "Um who are you?" I ask her

She looks over at me and looks at me like she never noticed that I was there. Geez, that makes me feel good. "Oh um, im Sammy." She says like we should have already known who she was.

"And why are you here?" Ah im glad that she finally talks. Now all we need is to get Rachel to talk. I look over at her and she's not picking at the grass anymore. She's picking at her shoes. Lame.

"Im Coach Allen's daughter…" She says eyeing Ashley. Why is she eyeing her? Why am I getting jealous over this?! It's not like im in love with her.

"How old are you?" Madison asks

"18." She replies.

I stare at Ashley and she finally notices that im staring at her and she wrinkles her forehead in confusion but she still has the smile I love. She mouths a 'what?' to me and I just smile at her and kick her shoe and she does it back to me. "Guys! Stop it." Madison snaps at us

She turns away and Ashley and I hold back our laughter. "Um, im going to go get some water." I announce as Sammy talks to Madison. When did she sit down and join our circle? Or square. Whatever.

"I'll join you!" Ashley jumps up and walks with me over to the water table

When we get there, I grab a cup and fill it with icy cold water. I start to take a drink out of it when Ashley hits it and the water that was in the cup spills all over my grey practice shirt. "Ashley!" And I throw the remaining water in the cup on her

We're both laughing at each other, "Carlin! Davies! What are you doing?" Coach Allen asks

Crappp. "Nothing." I say controlling my laughter

"Get back to your circle." He tells us and Ashley grabs a cup of water, "With no water, Davies." He says and walks back to his table

"Ok Coach Allenn!" She calls and throws it on me

I yelp because the water is really cold. "You are so going down." I say and I grab a cup of water and I run after her. She runs away and I hear our last names being called by our coaches. We are so going to be in trouble for this.

Im still running after her when I look behind me to see Coach Jim stand and I don't see Ashley stop in front of me. I hit Ashley and we fall onto the ground and all the girls are laughing at us.

We both are laughing too because 1, we collided into each other and 2, I spilled the water on both of us. Then everyone gets quiet as we both sit up. We're still laughing but then we quickly stop when Coach Jim is standing in front of us. "Up." He says like he is pissed

We both look at each other and then we stand. We are so in trouble. "I want you two to get your bags and leave. You two come back when you can _both _follow the rules that we have." He points towards the end of the soccer field. Oh he is so pissed.

We both look at each other and then we make our way over to our bags. I can't believe that we actually got in trouble for having fun. We both sigh as we pick up our bags and we head out.

We make it to the front of the school and the boy's basketball team just got home. They're early. I see Luke. "Damn it!" I say slowing my walk down

"What?" Ashley turns to me and then back in the direction of the boys getting off of the bus. They don't even look sweaty.

"Spencer!" Joy! He comes over to us because we both stopped. Well I stopped and then she was kind of forced to stop. He kisses me. It wasn't even a good kiss. It was forced and nasty. It actually makes me gag.

"Luke." I say and even I could tell that I wasn't happy to see him

"Hey Ash." I look over to who's saying her name. I looked over at the wrong time though because the hot shot basketball player, Aiden Dennison, just kissed the girl I like. A lot. I think that makes me gag more though.

I watch them and she pulls away, "Hey Aiden." She looks like she didn't even enjoy it

"So why are you guys home early?" I spot my brother and I make a run for it, "Glen!" I call leaving Luke and them behind

"Hey little sis. What are you doing out so early?" He asks me as he brings me into a hug

"Um, me and Ashley got in trouble." I smile. Well I am proud of it.

"Ashley Davies? Man, she is smokin'!" I smile because I agree. I nod my head very lightly

"So the other team forfeited." He tells me. He doesn't seem very happy with it. He was suppose to start today

"That sucks." I say and then someone grabs my arm, "How could you leave me back there with them!" Aw it's Ashley.

I laugh, "Because I saw my brother." I smile at her

"That doesn't give you the right to ditch me with the jockstraps." She laughs at her own joke. She's so cute.

"Sorry about that. I had to--- um Glen, how's Rylee?" Luke came over and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I looked at Glen and he was looking at Luke. I looked over at Ashley and she was staring at Luke's arm around me.

"She's fine." He never took his eyes off of Luke

Ashley grabbed my hand and pulled me away, "Let's go do something." She says walking into the parking lot

I laugh a little at her actions, "Ok. Like?" I ask her

She turns to me and bits her lower lip. "How far is your mom's house from here?" She asks me

"Um, like… a mile." I tell her. We've stopped and she has this smile on her face like she has an idea.

"Race ya." She smiles even bigger

"You're on." I say and with our bags, we start to run to my house.

We get to my house and I beat her by a foot. We sit down laughing on the porch steps. I don't really know why we were laughing, but we were. "I so beat you." I say and noticed how close our legs were. They were touching and my thigh was burning just from that touch.

"Yeah yeah. Shut up." She smiles at me and then glances down at our legs. I see her tense up. She makes her way back up to my face and smiles again.

I stand up, even though I didn't want too. I really wasn't even sure if my legs were going to let me. I unlock the door and we walk inside. We set our bags down by the front door and we head into the kitchen. She sits on one of the stools that are by the island. She watches me as I get two bottles of water out of the refrigerator.

I hand her a bottle and we walk up to my room. We both change into normal clothes and not sweaty ones. I lent Ashley a pair of my short shorts and a wife beater. I put on a pair of red short shorts that had 'lifeguard' printed on the butt. I put on a white tank top. We lay down on my bed as the movie A Walk To Remember plays.

"So, were you really a lifeguard?" She asks me

"Last summer I was." I smile at her

She stares at me, "What? Are you trying to picture me as one?"

She smiles at me and looks at the tv. Im laying on my stomach and she's sitting Indian style on my bed. "Do you go to the beach a lot?" I ask her because I noticed her dark tan

"Yeah. Do you?" She replied

"I try." Then there was silence and we watched our movie.

15 minutes through the movie, Ashley lies down next to me. Even when she was at practice and then changes into normal clothes, I can still smell her. I take a deep breath of her scent in and I close my eyes, making it last longer.

"Don't fall asleep." She says and I open my eyes to see her looking at me.

"I wasn't going too." She smiles at me

"Sure." She laughs a little and turns her attention to the movie again.

We watch the movie all the way through without falling asleep. When I turned it off, my door opened. "Spencer—" She looks at Ashley.

"Um, mom this is Ashley." I say, "Ashley, this is my mom Paula."

My mom smiles at her and then turns to me, "You know Spencer, you have a phone for a reason. You need to pick up when I call. I thought you were hurt!" She said. She's always over dramatic

"Um, my phone died last night." I tell her. Crap! It's still at Ashley's house. I forgot to grab it this morning. "And it's still over at Ashley's house." I add sitting down next to Ashley who is still lying down.

My mom looks at me and then Alan pops into my room, "Hey there kiddo." He says with a smile and I glare at him. I know that Ashley can see me because she put her hand on my mine.

"Spencer." Ashley says really quietly and I look at her and then back to Alan.

"Can I talk to you for second, Spence?" My mom asks walking out of the room, Alan follows. I groan as I stand up and walk out of my room and downstairs to my mom's room.

They both are sitting on her bed. I walk into the room with my arms crossed over my chest. I am so pissed at him it's not even funny. "Sweetie, Alan and I—" I cut her off when Alan grabbed her right hand. I can see the diamond ring on her left hand.

"I already know that you two are getting married. Joy. Can I go back to my room now?" I say with an attitude

My mom sighs, "When are you going to understand that I don't love your father---"

"You never have and you never will! I already knew that when I found out that you were cheating on him with _him._" I point to Alan

My mom stands up, "Spencer. Do not raise your voice at me." My mom says sternly

"Im not." I say and I know that im not going to be as strong as I need to be right now.

"Your father has moved on, and you accepted it. Why can't you accept me moving on?" She asks with the attitude this time

"Because he wasn't the reason that you two got a divorce." I say as a tear escapes and rolls down my cheek. I turn around and walk out of their room. I slam the door behind me. More tears run down my cheeks as I get closer to my room.

When I get to my door, I wipe away the tears but I know that they'll just reappear when I see Ashley and she asks me what happened. I place my hand on my door knob and slowly turn it. The door opens and another one escapes.

Im crying because I love my father. He should have never been cheated on. Im crying because what my mother did years ago hurt me the most. I have scars to prove it. Ashley is hugging me. And im crying because I lied to everyone and now all that is about to change. Everything and everyone's world is about to change. I know it, because I have that gut feeling.

And the scars I look at every night before I go to sleep, reminds me of why I did it. I look at the recent one that appeared a couple of months ago when me and mother got into a big fight. And im crying because I know that another one will be added to the collection later when Ashley leaves.

It's an addiction that I wished I never started. She pulls me to my bed and we sit down on the edge. She hugs me tighter and I forget about what just happened. I forget about all the lies that I told. And I forget about all the nights I cried myself to sleep. And I forget about all the pain my mom has caused me over these past years. But I do realize that I already fell for Ashley. And I fell hard. And I don't want to leave her arms.

**Ok, so I made it longer because I haven't updated in a while. I gave you the drama that I promised in the last chapter but didn't put it in. lol. My bad. **


	11. Living Life On The Edge

**Thanks for all the reviews! Yeah the last part of that chapter was pretty intense. Lol. Oh and I really don't care if you guys email me. Some of you have and it's all good. I like reading them :) Ok well, on with the story!**

The next day at school was depressing actually. I hardly talked to anyone besides Ashley. She hung out with me all day because of last night. She stayed the night as well. She wouldn't leave my side and I really liked her because of that. She understood how I felt. And even though, we've only known each other for a short while, she felt like my best friend then.

At practice, Ashley and I had to run the whole time because of yesterday. It sucked because I really wasn't in the mood to do anything. Especially the one thing I love the most, soccer.

Afterwards, we were all in the locker room. Chelsea and I were walking together into the locker room, talking about the scrimmage game that we have next week against a really good team up in Malibu.

That's when I saw Rachel, "Hey Rach," She turns away from me. "What's wrong?" I ask her

She turns around to face me, "Since you and Ashley decided to play water fight yesterday, the whole team had to run 3 miles." She glared at me for a second and then continued to undress.

I turned away and walked down my aisle and into the next one to find Ashley talking to Madison with her shirt off. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as I made my way over to her. "Hey." She said looking at me

"Hi." I said quietly and took her arm and pulled aside from everyone else. Everyone was staring at us and whispering things. "Um, so apparently we made everyone run 3 miles yesterday for goofing off." I tell her in a quite voice

"Yeah I know." She says slipping her shirt that she wore that day on. I couldn't help but notice the tiny tattoo on her hip. It was of a star and it looked so cute on her. I could never pull that off. "But hey, it was fun." She smiled at me, "And it looked like you could have used that day off by what… you know. With you and your mom." She looked at me sweetly

I smiled at her a little bit, "Thanks." I say really quite.

She hits my arm, "Now go get dressed, we still have to finish The Notebook." She smiled at me and walked back into her aisle

"But um, I need a shower." I laugh a little

"Oh," She starts to slip off her shorts and I swallow hard, "Well come over afterwards." And they're off and I couldn't help but stare at her a little bit. I didn't make it obvious though.

I walked back into my aisle and took off my shirt and then my shorts. I slipped on my pants and I grabbed my shirt that fell on the floor. The Rachel started to leave, but not without pushing me into the lockers.

I sighed and sat down on the bench. My shirt in my hands and lap. I stared at my arms which had some of the scars on them. She really shouldn't be this mad at me. I slip on one of my shoes and then the other one when I heard a voice. "You're still here?" It was Ashley

I look up at her from the bench where I was sitting. Then I realized that I was still shirtless. "Yeah." I say quietly standing up. I started to put on my shirt and I felt Ashley's eyes on me. I bit my lower lip and finished putting on my shirt.

I sat back down on the bench and started to slip into my jacket when Ashley grabbed one of my wrists. She stared at it for a second and she looked at me. She raised her eyebrow, "Um…" Was all I said

I watched her as she looked around to see if anyone was listening and then she switched benches and sat next to me. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She closed her mouth and let go of my hand.

I looked at my lap and sighed and finished putting on my jacket. I stood up and she was still sitting down. I stared at her for a moment, "Look, Ash." I sat back down, "I don't do it anymore." I told her quietly

She just stared at me, "I mean, I've done it recently, but I don't want to do it." I add

"Spencer, that's like… really deadly to do. You could die doing that." She looked at me like she couldn't believe that I was actually cutting myself

"I know. And I really want to stop. I want to quit." I told her but it looked liked she didn't believe me

We sit there for a moment and then my phone starts to ring. I ignore it for a second and then I finally answer it, "Hello?" It was my mother

"Spencer, where are you?" She asks me. I hear Alan in the background and I hear her giggle at something he said

I tense up my jaw and I narrow my eyes and focus on the locker in front of me. I stare at hard and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ashley look over at me, "Im still in the locker room." I say kind of pissed off at her

She giggles again. My mother should not giggle. Moms shouldn't giggle. "Well sweetie, hurry up. Alan and I have a dinner date."

Ugh. "Um I have to stay after. Go ahead. I have a ride home." I tell her

"Ok well I'll see you later sweetie." She said and hangs up

"Your mom?" Ashley asks

I nod and slip my phone into my back pocket. I stand up once more and she follows my actions this time. One of the girls on the teams passes by us and says bye. Ashley waves at her and turns back to me, "You hate me don't you?" I ask her quietly

She shakes her head, "I hate that you cut though." She says that really quite

I hang my head, "Me too." 

She puts her arm around me, "Come on." We start to walk out of the locker room and to the front of the school.

I stop her, "We can't go out there yet." I tell her

She looks at me with a questioning expression, "My mom and Alan are there." I roll my eyes

"Oh." She says and leans up against a wall

I lean up against the same wall too. "I had a dream about me and –" I don't even know why I was going to tell her about that dream

She looks over at me, "You and who?" She asks

"Um, Johnny Depp." I say quickly. I hate Johnny Depp. He's ugly. I don't know why I said that. I don't even know why other girls think he's sexy. Gag me now.

"Ew." She says and I laugh. "Oh well I mean, hot." She smiles and stares at the ground

"Yeah…" I really kind of wish that I had told her that it was actually her. I wonder what her reaction would be. But I know that I could never tell her.

A couple of minutes passed and we finally went to the front. "Hey you need a ride?" She asks with a smile as her mom pulls up, "because I know you don't have to stay after."

"You know me too well, Miss Davies." I smiled at her and climbed into the back seat of her car

"Mom, Spencer's going to come over. Ok?" She says trying to find a radio station

"Whatever. Im going out with some friends of mine tonight." She tells Ashley and I hear her sigh.

"Is _he _going to be there?" She asks landing on a 3 Doors Down song.

I smile because I love this song. Let Me Go. It's the greatest song. "Why does it matter?"

Ashley is staring out of her car window. Her mom pulls up to my house and she's driving down my driveway when I get a text message. I pull out my phone and see who it's from. Ashley. I smile and laugh a little. I read it, _um so you still want to come over?_

I bit my lower lip, _not unless you want to stay here with me. _I send it to her as her mom stops the car.

"Um Mom, never mind. Im going to hang out over here." She jumps out of the car before her mom could even say an answer

We walk into my house, "So, why the change of plans?" I ask shutting the front door

She smiles at me at she starts up the stairs and heads to my room, "We weren't finished." I laugh a little as we walk into my room

I shut my door out of habit and I walk over to my dresser and grab some clothes, "Well im going to jump into the shower really quick. Because im really nasty." She laughs and nods

After my shower, I walk back into my room to find Ashley on my computer. I look at what she's on and notice that she's on myspace. "Myspacing are we?" I sit on my bed and watch her

She turns around in the chair, "About time you're out geez." She laughs and signs out and joins me on my bed. "Where were we?" She asked

"Um, I really don't remember and I really don't want to." I smile at her and she laughs

She stares at me and I stare back. We didn't talk to each other. We just stared at each other. I stared into her brown eyes and swallowed hard. I couldn't believe what I was about to do.

**Alrightly there folks. There was chapter 11? Reviews are always helpful!**


	12. It Started With A Kiss

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I liked reading them. :)**

I kissed her. I couldn't believe that I actually kissed her. I took another step. And now im terrified. Im terrified that she will freak out and befriend me. Im scared that she won't like me the way I like her. And I like her way too much. So I pull away.

She stared at me. Confused I can tell. But she kissed me back. I kept saying sorry. But I know I really didn't mean it. I was so happy that I actually kissed her. I finally kissed Ashley Davies.

"Spencer." I hear her say my name and I stop and stare at her once more. It's something I do a lot. Too much actually.

"It's just that…" I start but I can't finish.

She sits there and waits for me to finish. So I do. "I like you a lot. And I've wanted to do that since the first day of tryouts." I say really quite and stare at my bed spread

I feel her hand on mine once again, "Why'd you wait so long?" She asks me as I look up at her

She's smiling so I return the smile back. I lean in closer, "Im crazy like that." I say quietly and I kiss her again.

You know when the thing that you really want and then when you finally get it, it gets ruined? Well, that happened here. My mom and Alan walked in on Ashley and me making out. My hand was already making its way up her shirt. Her hand was on my upper thigh and still moving.

We pull apart and we jump off of the bed. We both stare at my mom and Alan. My mother is staring daggers at Ashley. She grabs my hand. I follow my mom's gaze and I grip Ashley's hand tighter.

"Get out of my house!" She yells at Ashley

Alan walks over to her and grabs her by her arm. He has no right grabbing her like that. I push him and he loses his grip on her arm. My mom is yelling again and there are tears in my eyes as I watch my world around me start to fall.

My mom slaps me across my face and I fall to the ground on my knees. I hold my cheek and I watch Ashley being shoved out of my room. My mom is still yelling at me. She pulls me off my floor and I make a run for it. I run down the stairs that Ashley and Alan just recently walked down.

I see Alan push Ashley out of the front door and slam the door. My mom is behind me and she's still yelling. I run to the door and opened it and he grabs me arm. Ashley turns around and stares at me. He yanks me back and my mom curses at her and then she slammed the door.

I was forced to sit down on the stairs. There is no where to go. I can't run. So I sit. "What the hell has gottan into you, Spencer?" My mom says it coldly

She walks over to me and slaps me again. I force the tears back. I can't cry in front of her again. I won't. It's just a sign of weakness to her. I sit there and I listen to her go on and on about what I was just doing was wrong.

I finally have enough of her badmouthing Ashley. I stand up and I stare hard at her, "Stop talking about her like that!" I start to raise my voice

"Spencer, what you were doing was completely wrong!" There are tears in her eyes, "And I will not have you sleeping around with that… that_slut._"

I bit my lower lip and I glare at her, "I hate you." I say it coldly and I turn around and push Alan out of the way. I run up to my room and I slam the door.

When I get into my room, I move my dresser in front of my door so no one can come in. Then I let my tears fall. But not too many. I walk over to my nightstand and unlock my top drawer. I look inside of it and there are my personal things. My journal and my razor.

I swallow hard and I take a deep breath as I pull it out of the drawer. I sit down on my bed and I take another deep breath. I place it on my left wrist and I shiver because of the cold metal. I close my eyes and I can't do it.

Ashley keeps popping into my head. Her reaction when she found out that I did it. I won't do it. I can't. I stand up from my bed and I throw the razor back into the drawer. But instead of cutting, I punch my wall...

I punched it hard enough to break my middle, ring, and pinkie knuckle. I fall to the ground as I hold my hand in pain. A few more tears fall but I don't wipe them away.

A few minutes pass and im still on the floor on my knees. Still holding my hand. I finally look at my hand and try to move my fingers. I can't and I then know that I broke the knuckles.

I stare at my broken hand and I can't believe what I just did. No more tears fall anymore. I won't let them. I wiped them away from my cheeks and my eyes. I will not cry over this. I will not because I wanted to do it. Out of my own selfish deeds.

I lay on my bed and I lay there for a while. I want to call Ashley, but I can't. My phone is still at her house. I soon fall asleep listening to my iPod.

The next morning, my alarm clock went off. I laid there for a moment thinking what happened the night before was just a dream. But when I hit the snooze button, I knew it wasn't. It wasn't even close.

I turn off my alarm clock and I sit on my bed for a moment. I examine my hand and it's swollen. I sigh as I stand up. I look around my room and see my dresser in front of my door and my top drawer of my nightstand is still opened. I close that and lock it before I try to attempt to move my dresser back where it's supposed to be.

When I finally get everything done, I get dressed. I wore my DC jacket that has thumb holes in it so it would at least cover up my knuckles. Today is the day I was so not looking forward too.

I look at myself in my full length mirror. There is a slight bruise on my right cheek from where my mom kept slapping me. And she slaps hard.

I sigh and I slip into my black converse and I make my way downstairs. I look outside and my mom isn't there. She already left. I pick up my soccer bag and I grab an apple and I start to walk to school.

I get to school when the bell rings. I have to hurry to the locker room to put my bag inside the cage where everyone else's bags are. I see Ashley's already there. I sigh and I already know that I'll be late to class so I take my time.

The first 2 periods went by really slow. Second period, Rachel didn't even look at me. Why the hell is she so mad at me? No one else is.

At break, I walked into the quad alone. I found Abby and as I started to walk up to her, I saw Rachel. I took a deep breath as I walked up to them both. "Hey." I say quietly. I fake a smile.

"Whatever." Rachel walks off and I roll my eyes

"What's up with you two?" Abby asks as she takes a drink from her water

I forgot about my hand as I tried to put them into my jean pockets. I winced and replaced them back down by my side. Abby stares at my right hand, "What's wrong with your hand?" She asked

I look down at it, "Can I talk to you?" I ask her

She nods, "Well um… I don't know if you're going to hate me or anything, but…Im gay." I tell her

I stare at her and she doesn't say anything but smile, "I already knew." She said

I wrinkled my forehead in confusion, "How?" I ask

"It's written all over you." She laughs a little, "So, what happened to your hand?"

I tell her the whole story within the 10 minutes we have for break. I even told her that my parents were really divorced and that my mom was getting remarried. And I told her that I had a big crush on Ashley and that we kissed last night.

After break, I went to my next class. After third period ended, I walked outside of the classroom and looked down the hall way. I haven't seen Ashley the whole day. I wonder where she is.

I walk pass her classroom and I head off to math. Im almost there when I hear my name being called. I turn around and she runs up to me. "Hey." She says in a low voice

"Im sorry about last night." I tell her and I stare at the ground. We've stopped.

"Yeah, um it's cool." I look at her and she's looking somewhere else.

I start to walk again and she follows, "So um, did it get worse after I left?" she puts her hands into her jean pockets

I nod and that's all I did. She stops and makes me stop and she pulls me into a hug. I hug her back and I whisper into her shoulder that I was sorry again. She pulls back but not far enough. Her arms are still around me, "Stop saying you're sorry." She smiles and we walk to our next class

At practice though was a little tough because I couldn't hide my hand. We had a 7 on 7 game. Ashley and I were on different teams. Rachel was on mine along with Chelsea. Madison and Trisha were on Ashley's team.

We all got really into the game. A little too much actually. Chelsea kicked the ball and I was running towards her. The ball came flying towards my face and I threw my hands up in front of my face to shield me from it. It was an instinct actually. Something comes flying towards your face, you either duck, or block it. I blocked it. It hit my hand and I fell to my knees holding my hand. I took deep breaths. I thought I was strong enough to pull it off but I wasn't.

"Come on Spencer, get your ass up!" Rachel yelled

"Spence you ok?" Coach Allen asked as he walked over to me

Chelsea looked at my hand, "Holy shit, did I break it?" She exclaimed and Ashley walked over

Ashley knelt down next to me and Coach Allen examined my right hand. "Come on Carlin, we need to get this examined." He helped me up

Ashley stood up too and watched me walk off. I felt so bad not telling Chelsea that she really didn't do this to me.

I sat down next to Sammy and she looked at my hand, "Ha that looks like mine when I punched a wall a few years ago." Coach Allen stared at her in confusion and then back at me.

"Did you punch a wall?" I nod and he shakes his head. He examines it closer, "Well Spencer, you broke three knuckles." Yeah thanks for telling me Captain Obvious

He ended practice early that day. Only 10 minutes early though. At least this happened at the end and not the beginning.

Ashley and Chelsea ran over to me. I was talking to Sammy about something. They sat down next to me, "Dude, Spence, im sorry about your hand, I didn't mean—" I cut her off

"It wasn't you. It was already like this." I said quietly but loud enough for her to hear me

"Oh, what'd you do?" She asked

I sat there for a moment thinking of something I could tell her. But I came up with nothing so I shook my head. She got up and left along with Sammy.

"What'd you do, Spencer?" Ashley asked me

I looked down at my hand, "Punched my wall…" I tell her

She sighs, "Spencer, for real. Why do you have to hurt yourself?" She asks

I look at her and she stares back at me. She shakes her head. I look away. "Here." I hear her say and then my cell phone lands in my lap. "I really wish you'd stop hurting yourself." She tells me and walks over to Madison, Rachel, and Chelsea.

I really wish I would too. But she doesn't understand you know? She doesn't understand what I go through. Right?

**Ok there is chapter 12! If you're thinking that this was going to be the worse thing, its not. Lol. Review!**


	13. I Can Never Win Can I?

**So I had like, the best weekend ever! Haha. I went to see I Am Legend with a group of friends and then out to dinner. It was a lot of fun. It was for my 17****th**** birthday. Today sucked though. Stupid rain! Lol. **

I laid in bed that night, just thinking. Nothing else. Just thinking about what happened within the past few days. Mostly about Ashley and Rachel though. But more of Rachel right now. I really want to know why she is still really mad at me. I hate it when she's mad at me because when she is, it takes forever for her to forgive you.

I remember one time back when we first began to be friends. I knocked over her water bottle during practice once and she flipped out on me. It took her a week to forgive me. She's really weird about that sort of thing. But this time, how long do you think she is going to take to forgive me. Every other girl didn't even care. They got over it. Why cant she?

I roll over in my bed and I reach for my phone. I dial her number and she finally picks up, "Spencer, it's the middle of the night. What the hell do you want?" right, I forgot, she's even more of a witch in the middle of the night

"Why are you still mad at me?" I ask her plain and simple

She doesn't say anything but sigh, "Is this why you called me in the middle of the night?"

"Yes." I reply

She sighs again, "Let's talk about this tomorrow when im actually awake." She tells me and then she hangs up. Maybe she's jealous? I don't know why she would be though. Maybe because I was spending so much time with Ashley and not her. I don't know.

I decide to text Ashley. _I know you're going to hate me when I say this, but im sorry. _I send her the text and I lay my phone back on my night stand and I roll over and I find my cozy spot in my pillow. I smile and close my eyes.

Then my phone vibrates. I groan and I reach for my phone. I flip it open and it's from Ashley. I smile as I look at what she said, _I don't hate you. I hate that phrase though. _

I kind of don't really know what to say to that, but I manage, _well im glad you don't hate me. But I don't see why you don't hate me. I just need some help._

It takes her a couple of minutes before she replies back to me, _mentally or physically?_

That one made me laugh. I wish I was over at my dad's house right now. I miss her. _Well, I have a doctor for the mental help, and then my physical help is open…_

It takes a few minutes before she replies back again. I wonder what she's doing. _Well they don't call me Doctor for nothing :) Come to your front door pwease_

Why would I go to my front door? It's freaking freezing outside! But I do, because im slowly starting to think that im Ashley-Wiped. That may be a bad thing. But what do I know?

I walk down my stairs quietly. It's really cold in my house. Where as it was warmer in my bed. Im only wearing my booty shorts and my white tank top. You could only imagine how cold I was. My mother doesn't believe in the heater when it's 30 something degrees.

I unlock the door and I open it up. "Ashley! What are you doing here?" I ask her with a smile. Then I shiver

She hugs me and whispers in my ear, "I wanted to see you silly. I missed you." She pulls away and the wind blows again. She stares at me with a smile. I give her a half of a smile back and then the kitchen light comes on.

I grab her hand and I pull her up the stairs and into my room. When I shut my door, I looked over at her. She was taking off her jacket and heading for my bed that was once warm. She was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt. She climbed under the covers and I followed her lead.

Once under the covers, she wrapped her arm around me and pulled me close. I smiled and closed my eyes. I really hope that neither my mom nor Alan walks in. They shouldn't and if they do, hell will break loose.

For some reason though, I don't let myself fall asleep. I stay awake. I noticed that half an hour had already passed and I felt Ashley breathing on the back of my neck. It sent shivers down my back when I actually thought about it.

And then I let myself fall asleep.

The next morning, I roll over and noticed that I was the only one in my bed. I open my eyes and I sit up. I look around my room and I notice Ashley's Abercrombie and Fitch jacket still on the floor next to her Ugg boots.

I look at the bed where she once laid and just stared at it. I wonder where she went. I slowly drag myself out of bed and notice the time. 6 Am. Ugh. There's school today. I stand on the cold hard wood floor and it makes me shiver. I hate having wood floor. Especially in the mornings when it's really cold.

I then notice that my door is opened. I start to walk out of my room, and I noticed that my bathroom door is closed. I walk back inside of my room and walk over to my bathroom and knocked on the door. "Hold on!" I hear Ashley say from the other side. At least she's in there.

"Spencer." It's my mom.

I turn around and I see her and Glen. "Your brother is taking you to school this morning—" She starts

But I cut her off, "Perfect. It's not like you would anyways. I mean, I know that yesterday was an 'accident', wasn't it?" I cross my arms over my chest and I stare at my mother.

She looks coldly at me and she turns around and leaves. Then it's just my brother and I. I hear the front door slam shut and then my brother opens his mouth, "We're leaving at 7." He shuts my door and I groan as I shut the lights off and walk over to my bed and climb back under my covers

I close my eyes and then the bathroom door opens and she walks out. She's just as beautiful as she is in the middle of the night. She already got ready for school. Did she bring over a bag last night? I so did not see it. She sits down on the edge of my bed and she smiles at me. "Morning Sunshine." I giggle

"Shut up." I pull the covers over my head

"You are so not a morning person are you?" I feel her get up off my bed

"Drrr." I hear her laugh and I remove the blanket from my head and I watch her as I she walks over to my laptop that's still on from yesterday. She opens the internet and goes to myspace. "Myspace whore." She looks over at me and smiles brightly

When she signs into her account, she reads a message from—gag—Aiden. I see her smile and I roll my eyes. Who would actually date him?

_She would change everything for happy ever after. Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster_. My cell phone blares from my nightstand. _But she just needs someone to take her home_. I grab my phone and look at the caller ID. It's Luke. Another gag. _Cuz she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's ok._ And I hit ignore.

"Who was that?" Ashley asks not even looking away from the disgusting message from Aiden

"Luke." I say with an eye roll

I see her nod and she's typing something back. I wonder what she's saying. I sit up and she hits send before I can even read one word. All I saw was his disgusting and annoying picture. He has his shirt off and there's white stuff all over him. Ashley's in the picture too, but she's not topless. She has white stuff all over her hands. I wonder what the white stuff is.

She returns to her homepage and she clicks on _new picture comments. _I remembered then that they were from me. She clicks on the picture with new comments and reads them. She read it out loud, "Wow Ash, you look _amazinggggggg _in this picture. I love it. You're beautiful." It was my favorite picture ever of her. It was her on the beach when the sun was just setting. All in all, it looked like she was a model. She's perfect.

She turns to me with a big smile. "Thanks Spence." She returns to the computer and I see that she clicks on my profile. She scrolls down and she smiles at, what im assuming, that she notices that she's on my top 4. It goes, Rachel, Abby, Ashley, Glen. "I see I moved up." She's leaving me a comment.

It's around 6:15 now and I know that I really need to get ready. So I get out of bed and I walk over to my dresser and pull out a pair of really cute jeans. I slip off my booty shorts and I slip on my jeans. I glance over at Ashley and she quickly looks back to the computer. How cute.

I take off my tank top and throw it on my bed. I walk over to my closet and I stand there looking for a shirt to wear. "Spence," Ashley gets up and starts walking over to me, "You have an _amazing _body." She smiles and I know that im blushing.

"Thanks." I reach for a shirt and I walk over to my full length mirror and hold it up to me to see if it matches. It does of course because im wearing jeans. So I put it on.

After im done getting ready, it's around 6:45 and im starving. I run down into the kitchen and Glen is eating cereal. "Hey, is it just you here?" I ask and he nods, "Great." I smile and run back upstairs to bring Ashley down

"What is she doing here?" He asks me between bites

She's sitting down at the table, "Because im not allowed." She smiles at him and I laugh quietly to myself

"Then why are you here?" He stopped eating

"I just told you."

"She came over in the middle of the night last night." I sit down next to her and hand her a bowl and she pours herself some cereal.

"Yeah ok. That still doesn't answer my—you know what? Forget it, I don't want to know." He gets up and puts his bowl in the sink and walks out of the room

I look over at Ashley and she smiles, "Im above him on your top." She giggles and I can't help but smile

"What's in that cereal?" I ask stealing a bite from her bowl

See, I didn't get cereal. I got an apple. And a pop-tart. "Hey now." She smiles and looks pass me. I wrinkle my forehead in confusion as I stare at her. And then she kisses me, "Since you're in a better mood now. Morning." She laughs and continues to eat

I sit there smiling. I look behind me to see if Glen saw anything and he didn't. Which is really good, because… well I don't really know if he's like mom or not. I hope not. That would totally ruin our relationship we have between each other. See, me and my mother of mine, never had a relationship. So it was all good. And I really didn't care much about her opinion anyways.

By the time we get to school, we're super early. It's a little after 7. This means, we have almost 45 minutes to kill. We walk through senior hall to keep dry. It started to rain when we left the house. This totally sucks because I forgot my jacket. We head to Ashley's locker.

"Dude," I say and she laughs, "What?" I ask

"Who say's 'dude' anymore?" She opens her locker and pulls out the same jacket I wore a few nights back and hands it to me, "Keep it. I still have yours."

I smile, "Is that where it went? I thought I lost it." She laughs

"What were you going to say?" I notice a paper that falls out of her locker. She didn't notice it though.

"That I was cold. But see, you read my mind." I see her smile as she goes through her locker. I bend down and pick up the paper that fell. I notice it's from Aiden. "How can you find anything in there?" She smiles as she looks over at me

"Aiden said that he left something—" She spots the note in my hand and she takes it from me and she opens it and she starts to read it.

I sigh and lean up against the lockers. My cell phone starts to vibrate in my back pocket. I take it out and it's Luke. I decide to answer it this time, maybe try to make her jealous. "Hey." I say in a flirting tone

I see her out of the corner of my eye that she's not reading the note anymore. She's watching me. "Hey babe, it's about time you answer when I call. Im beginning to think that you don't like—" I cut him off

"Maybe that's true." I say and im totally serious as I say it

"What are you talking about?" Oh my god, short term memory I swear.

"Oh my god." I say with an eye roll and I close my phone and place it back to where it belongs. My back pocket.

"Luke?" She asks like she didn't even really care that he called. I nod

I look at the note in her hands, "Aiden?" I look away as I lean up against the lockers again

"Look Spencer, it's just—" I cut her off

I look at her, "Ashley, you can't have your cake and eat it too." I can't believe I actually said that. I roll my eyes and I turn around and walk down the hall. I see Luke and he starts walking towards me. Must be around 7:20. He's with his friends.

I stop walking and he walks up to me after he says bye to his friends. He stares at me, "What the hell is wrong with you Spencer?" He asks and I look away as I cross my arms. I have no where to run. Ashley is behind me and Luke is in front of me. There aren't any other ways.

"Damn it, Spence, im talking to you." And he slaps me across the face and the hallway goes quiet

"Hey!" It's Ashley from behind me

"We're over, Luke." I push past him but he grabs my arm and turns me around

"It's not over until I say it is." I swallow hard and I turn away. He's way stronger than me and I can't get off of his death grip.

"What the fuck is your problem, Luke?" Ok, that's Madison

Luke let's go of my arm and I look over at Madison, Ashley, Chelsea, Trisha, and Rachel. When the hell did they all get here?

I look at Rachel and she looks over at me, "You're such an ass." She pushes past him and walks over to me.

I have to look away because my eyes started to water again. I will not cry at school. Then I hear the slapping sound again. I turn around and it was Ashley who slapped him across his face. They all walked past him and over to me. I don't care if I do like her a lot. Too much actually. I don't want her standing up for me right now.

We start to walk away when I get jerked back. "You'll pay for this later, Carlin." And then he pushes me back to them. I swallow hard once more and they all stare at me.

"I'll see you guys later." I take off Ashley's jacket and I throw it at her. I turn around and walk off.

**Ok there it is! Ok I know that I was suppose to give a shout out to one of my reviewers, but I totally forgot which one it was. So yeah, tell me who you are in your review please!**


	14. You're Slippin Away Slowly From My Hands

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and told me happy birthday! I love you guys :) Im updating today because of two reasons actually. A lot of people reviewed and that made me extra happy. :) And well just because you guys deserve it. haha. So yeah, I want to say thanks to one of my good friends, blonde gone wild, for telling people about my story in her's. :) Thanks Kid.**

It rained the whole day so practice got cancelled. I was actually really happy about that because I so did not want to go to practice today. It would have been horrible. But yeah, we do have a scrimmage game next week. I totally forgot about that until just now.

I fall down onto my bed and I just lay there. It's weird not having noise besides the rain hitting my window. It's been a while since it rained, but yeah, you know, that's California.

I stare at my ceiling and I think of why Rachel was really mad at me for a while, and then all of a sudden, she likes me again. I swear, maybe she is just really jealous of me hanging out with Ashley—Ashley. I can't believe her either. I mean, who would actually have a boyfriend, and then decide that they're really gay and they get a girlfriend, and they still don't break up with their boyfriend? That was kind of confusing.

Ugh. I roll over onto my stomach because I can't stand looking at the ceiling anymore. I look at my knuckles now and the whole night replays in my head. Life actually really sucks right now. But maybe im just over thinking it. Hell, what do I know?

I walk over to my window and sit down on the little platform thing and I stare out the window. It's amazing how beautiful it is when it rains. I grab my iPod and turn it on and sit back down and listen to it while I stare out the window.

I stared out of the window for a good 20 minutes before the knocking on my door came. I turned towards my door and it opened. I paused my iPod and watched my mom walk in and sit down on my bed. I stared at her, waiting for what she had to say.

Finally, after what seems like forever, she talks, "Honey… is it because Alan and I are getting married?" She asks. She won't even look me in the eyes

She stares at her lap, "You're joking right?" I say. I lean back against my window. Wouldn't it suck if my window just broke right now? Well, maybe it wouldn't suck so badly.

"Does it look like im joking?" She says standing up

She really does think that she is above me. I can't really believe this is my mom. What happened to the good ol' non-cheating, follow the Ten Commandments mom? That's actually really good, im going to ask her that. "Did you think that you weren't breaking a 'rule' that He set?" I ask

She stares at me for a moment, "Spencer, we have to get married for two reasons." She tells me

I sit there waiting for her to tell me the two things. But apparently she doesn't get the memo that im waiting, "Ok… what are they?" I ask removing the ear phones from my ears

"We're in love and…" She pauses for what seems like forever, "Im pregnant."

You've _got _to be kidding me. "What?!" I stand up

"Yes. So, I will _not _have you bringing—" I am so glad that whoever just rang the door bell, rang the door bell.

"I'll get it." I walk out of my room and start down the stairs

I hear my mom yell after me, "Spencer! They can wait one God damn minute!" I open the door and Ashley is standing there.

I stare at her for a moment and I start to close the door but she pushes it back open. She's soaking wet and her make-up is running, "I did it." She utters

"Spencer! Shut the damn door." My mom puts her hand on the door and starts to shut it but I stop her

I stare coldly at my mom and then back at Ashley, "Did what?" I ask her. Seriously, I have no clue what she's talking about. She looks over at my mom and I finally get it. She broke up with Aiden!

I push her gently away from the door and I step outside and shut the door behind me. "Come on." I say grabbing her hand and leading her off the porch and around to the back yard.

When we walk, I hear her sniffle a lot. And when we finally get into the back yard, I pull her over to the tree house Glen and I built when I was 5 and he was 8.

"_I don't want you two hurting yourselves, so no you may not build a tree house---" our mom says _

_But my dad cuts her off, "Geez Paula, get the stick out of your butt and let them build one." My dad walks over to the tree with us and starts to build it with us._

Even way back then, I never noticed how their relationship was messed up. I guess I was always in my own little world to even bother to notice.

We've been sitting in the tree house for about 15 minutes now in silence. Well, not completely silent. Ashley is crying still. My arm is around her and I wish it wasn't. I mean, I do like it there, but I mean im still kind of mad at her.

Then Alan's head pops up in the door frame, "Ashley you need to go—" I cut him off

"You're not allowed to be up here. Can't you read the sign? It says 'Carlin's only.' Last time I checked, you weren't a Carlin." I tell him with an attitude

He sighs and he climbs all the way in, "Ok so you apparently have a hearing problem." I say. This tree house is not even close to being big enough for 1 grown man and 2 teenage girls.

"Spencer," He starts

"Get out." I say again

He rolls his eyes. He can't roll his eyes. Only I can do it. "I know that you're probably really mad at you mother and I."

"And what gave that away?" I say taking my arm away from Ashley. I place my hands into my hoodie pocket.

He sighs. Ok that, I guess he can do. But he cant over use that either, "You seriously need to get counseling." He says and he starts to leave

I swallow hard. I've heard that a lot too. And I agree with it. But it's not like im going to admit to everyone that I really think I do need it. I am so tempted to push him out of the tree house. Help him get down faster.

Then I hear my dad's voice. "What the hell did you tell my daughter?" He asks. Alan is already on the ground facing my dad. Ashley and I look at each other and we scramble over to the door frame and stare at the two men

Alan just walks away and my dad looks up at me and Ashley and motions us to come down. We listen to him. When we're on the ground, he tells me to get my backpack and some extra cloths. Im going home with him.

I don't know if it's actually a great idea. I mean, go home to an evil step mom, or stay here and get punished for being gay. Ugh.

We get up to my room and I close my door, "Are you ok Spencer?" Ashley asks me as I walk over to my dresser

She must have seen me wipe my hand across my eyes. "Yeah." I tell her as I place some cloths into a bag

She sits down on my bed and watches me, "Im sorry about earlier today." She says in almost a whisper

I join her on my bed, "Ashley—"

"No, let me talk this time." She looks at me and continues, "You were right, I shouldn't have kissed you and continued to go out with, Aiden. I was totally wrong." She looks down at the bed spread for a moment and then back at me, "Im sorry if I hurt you." She waits for me to say something

"You wouldn't be the first." I get off the bed and I walk over to my closet to grab a few shirts to put in my bag

"I know." I hear her say. I turn around and she's right there, "And I don't ever want to hurt you again. I see what you go through and I really don't want to add to that. I mean, I would hate to have your life. I mean, the part with your parents and—" I cut her off

"I know what you mean, Ash." I sigh and turn back around. I turned around for two reasons, 1, to get another shirt, and 2, because she's right. I do get hurt a lot and I don't even see it really. I either let the people push over me, or when I do see it, I hurt myself.

But I have to know one thing, "Did you love him Ash?" I ask her not turning around

"Who? Aiden?" She says

I turn around, "Yeah." I say quietly. She stands there in silence. "Then why'd you break up with him?" I ask quietly

She looks down at the ground, "I thought that's what you wanted." She looks back up at me

I shake my head, "It's not about what I want, Ash. It's about what you want. You've been going out with him for who knows how long. You shouldn't have done it." I walk past her and place my shirts into my bag. I turn back around and face her. She hasn't moved.

I sigh and I can't believe what im about to say, "Just call him up Ashley, and tell him that you were wrong." I throw her cell phone that was on the bed to her.

She looks at me and I give her a sympathy smile and I grab my bag and leave my room. I close the door so she can get some privacy. Why did I just do that? I lean up against my door and I hear her start to speak, "Hey, are you busy?" I close my eyes and I sigh. Because I want everyone else to be happy.

Why did I have to fall for her? Why'd I fall so damn hard? "Spencer sweetie, are you ready?" I open my eyes and it's my dad. He stands in front on me and I drop my bag and I hug him. And then I let a few tears out. He hugs me back. "I know sweetie. It's hard. But you'll move past it." He says in a low voice and I hug him tighter. He has no idea.

**Ok there is your update. Hope you liked it. If not? Then you can complain all you want in your review. Lol.**


	15. Maybe A New Beginning

**Hey everyone! Just wanted to wish you guys a merry Christmas and a happy new year! I also wanted to tell everyone that I probably won't be updating until January or February. It all depends on my schedule. Im leaving for vacation Monday night. Im heading over to Colorado to visit my dad's family. So I may not be able to update for a while. So yeah, just bare with me. :) And now that im done with that, on with the chapter! Here is my shout out to a fellow reader and reviewer. :) Sorry it took so long. **southaholic-KairiSD.

**Oh! I am skipping a few weeks because nothing interesting happened. So yeah, this chapter is more of a transition I guess I don't know. Whatever. Haha. We'll just see where I end it.**

It's been weeks. Maybe even a couple of months since Ashley and I really talked. Just you know, an occasional 'Hey' then and there now. At practice we hardly speak to each other too. I don't really know what happened between the two of us. I guess we just kind of drifted apart after that weekend.

I kind of wished that I never told her to call Aiden back. Actually, I really wish that I never kissed her that one night. It just made more drama in my life. And who likes drama? No one that I know of anyways.

Rachel has been acting different towards me too. We hardly speak to each other still. She's always hanging out with Ashley, Madison, and Chelsea. It's kind of weird between us now. So it's just me and Abby now. We got closer. Abby and I. im pretty happy of that. I just wished that I knew what was going on with everyone. I feel so out of the loop.

Yes I am still going out with that stupid ass I use to call a boyfriend. Now he's just there and he still calls me his girlfriend. I really wish he would just let me go. Maybe I can hook him up with the school slut. But who am I kidding? He'd have sex with her and then come back to me. He's like a boomerang.

This is the longest I've been with a guy. Nothing is even happening in this so called relationship. There is absolutely no spark. And im happy of that too. Because, I really hate him. I kept telling him that we're over, but it always ends up the same way it did that one day back when he slapped me in the hallway.

Soccer is just another blur in my life. I've put a lot more time into it. I've been blocking a lot of other things out and it's made me a much quieter person than before. I still talk, don't get me wrong, but it's just less. A lot less. And no im not a mute. Trust me; I talk a lot more than them.

Im still faking that smile and faking that laugh a lot too. I wish I didn't, but I just don't want the pity from anyone. And I mean anyone. And no one besides Abby knows about that night with Ashley and me. No one is acting different towards us at school and im glad of that.

So I sit with Abby and her boyfriend Michael and his best friend Todd at lunch today. It looks like it might rain again, and I really hope not. Usually Luke sits with us, but he's sick. I hope it gets a lot worse and he dies. But yeah, Michael is really great for Abby. He's a junior and he's just a really cool laid back guy. He plays baseball in the spring along with Todd.

Now Todd is a different story. He's that one guy at high school that everyone knows but he only hangs out with the same people everyday. Us. He's really cute and really nice. I would date him in a heartbeat actually. But yeah, you know what would happen with Luke and him? With Luke and me!? I can't. Abby told me that he likes me and I should date him, but she doesn't know the whole story with Luke.

I take a drink out of my Gatorade that I bought and I pull out my cell phone. I sigh as I hit call. I have to call Luke. Maybe if I tell him over the phone, he won't come and like, beat the shit out of me. He answers and he says hey and then I hear a girl moan in the background. "Ok yeah, Luke, we're over. Ok? And I mean it this time." I hang up on him and maybe, just maybe he won't come back to me.

I sit back down at the table and Abby gives me a questioning look. I just shake my head and I start to talk to Todd.

In the middle of our conversation, Rachel sits down next to me. The table goes quite, "Hey Spence." She takes a drink out of my drink

"Hi." I reply quietly. I don't look at her though; I keep looking at the table and at Todd.

"So did you hear?" She asks me

I look over at her now, "About?"

"Ashley and Aiden of course." I roll my eyes and I look over at Abby

"No I haven't. What's up with them?" I say. My tone, you can tell that I don't care. But deep down inside, only I know is that I hope they broke up and Aiden died. But I know that isn't going to happen anytime soon.

"They're going away this weekend." I look over at Rachel and she continues, "Yup. To some cabin or something."

Im screaming inside, "Cool." Is all I say. I grab my Gatorade and I get up and leave.

I can't handle this anymore. I just need to leave. But I can't, because I don't have a car. Let alone my permit. So really, I don't know where im going. I wish I knew. The bell doesn't ring for another half hour. Then I hear a voice behind me, "Hey wait up!" I turn around and Todd runs up to me. He stares at me, "You ok?" He asks and I can tell from his voice that he really wants to know

I nod and we walk together. We're walking around aimlessly though because there is no where we can go. We've been silent for a while. I open my mouth to say something since we've stopped, but he beats me, "Spencer, I know that this is probably the worst time ever to tell you this. But um… I um… like… you." I look at him and a small smile crept up onto my face

"I like you too." But not as much as I 'like' Ashley Davies. I can never like you like I love her. And no one will ever know how much I love her. And no one will ever know about that night between us. No one.

He smiled big at me and grabbed my hand and we began walking again. We walked over to this vacant bench on campus and we sat down. We sat silent once again. I took the opportunity to look around the quad to see where everyone actually sat at lunch. I wished I hadn't though, because I came upon Ashley and her crew. I stared at them for a few more seconds and then Madison made eye contact with me. I looked away quickly though.

"So, I hear that you're the star on the girl's soccer team." I look over at Todd with a smile

"No. Im just one of them." He laughs a little and puts his arm around me

He smells really good too. I really liked sitting her with him until a girl from junior high walked up to us, "Hey aren't you going out with Luke?" She asks me

And I have to answer quickly, "No im not. You can have him." She smiles big and walks away

Then Todd removes his arm and looks at me, "Wait, are you really going out with that ass?" He said like he couldn't believe it

"I did." I say quietly, "But im not anymore." I add

He stands up and pulls me up with him. "Good. Because you so deserve better." He smiles at me and I smile back. "Can I… um… kiss you?" He asks quietly

Wow, this isn't moving fast at all. But I let him because I want him to be happy and I can't keep living in that world. I can't keep telling myself that Ashley and I are going to work out. I know it's not, so I just have to get over the fact that she never liked me like that. But a part of me, doesn't want to kiss him, because Ashley's table is right there and we're right here. What if she sees us? But then again, a part of me wants her to see it.

We pull apart and I feel like I made a mistake. Like, I have that feeling that what I just did is going to hurt someone and it's going to hurt me even worst. I have that feeling that everyone watched us kiss for the first time. But I know everyone didn't. Just a particular table did.

I smile up at Todd and I wrap my arms around his stomach and I hug him tightly. I don't know why I am though, maybe just because I needed a hug. And he hugs me back and im glad because of that. "Since tomorrow is Friday and all," I look up at him, "You want to go to a movie with me?" He asks

I nod and I smile at him, "I'd like that." Really, I would. Well, a part of me doesn't, but I can't hurt him.

He smiles down at me and he takes my hand and we start to walk towards Ashley's table. Oh god, please don't tell me he knows someone there! "What are we doing?" I ask quickly and quietly

"We're just walking around. Why?" He looks over at me confused

I shake my head as we walk past her table. She stops talking to Aiden and she watches me. I make eye contact with her and I look away quickly. I can't fall again. I won't.

Once we're pasted her table, I glance back to see if she's still watching. And she is. And I smile big deep down inside. And we walk back to our table and we sit down next to each other. Abby and Michael stares at us and we both smile at them. They return it.

So it did start raining after lunch. Once we got to 5th period. So practice got cancelled once again.

After school, I went to the locker room and grabbed my soccer bag. On the way out, I ran into Ashley and Trisha. I smiled a hello to them and kept walking. I was still in earshot and I heard Trisha ask Ashley something, "What's up with you two?" I kept walking though. I didn't want to hear anything else.

I saw Todd's car and walked over to it. I've ridden in it plenty of times before so I knew what it looked like. He really is a great guy, but I kind of wish that I was dating Ashley and not him. But my wishes never come true. Even if I wish upon a shooting star. It never comes true.

He gets out of his car and meets me half way. Such a gentlemen, "Hey Spence." He kisses me and I kiss him back

We pull apart and we head for his car. As I was opening the door, I get a text message. I read it once I shut the door though. _So I see that you and Todd are going out. _It's from Ashley. Why does she always have to ruin my good moments?

I look up through the windshield and I see her mom's car driving off. I sigh quietly and I close my phone. Im not texting her back. "So to your house?" He asks me as he waits his turn to pull out of the parking lot. He's in front of Ashley's car.

"Um I'd rather not." I look over at him and he smiles

"Then mine it is." I smile back at him and he turns left instead of right.

**Ok there is the update! Hopefully I'll get to update over the break, but I may not be able to. So yeah. Have an awesome Christmas and an awesome new year! Don't get too drunk ya hear? Lol. **


	16. Be Careful For What You Wish For

How was everyone's Christmas? Hopefully everyone got what they wanted! I finally found some time to write, even though it is in the middle of the night. Hehe. But whatever. It's really cold over here in Colorado. Lol.

This chapter is a little hard for me too write actually… and I really don't want to write it, but you guys should know about this to get why later I do what I do.

Im lying on Todd's bed with him on top of me. This is moving way too quickly. I slightly push him off of me and he stares at me weird. I shake my head and I sit on the edge of his bed.

I cant get the image of Ashley out of my head. With every kiss I picture her lips on mine. And with every touch, I feel her on me and not him. And with every second passing, I picture her and Aiden doing something I totally forbid in my mind.

I feel his hand on my back and I shake it off, "Im sorry." I say really quite. If I didn't stop it now, it would have gone further and I cant do that. Not now. Not with him.

I stand up and I grab my jacket. I walk out of his house and it's already dark. I bite my lower lip as I start down the street. I have no clue where im at. I hear my name being called and it's him. I start to run because I cant face him anymore. I need to be with her. I need to feel her again. I want to feel her lips against mine just one more time.

I stop running when I don't hear him behind me anymore. I stand in the middle of the street between four streets that are unknown to me. Of course he lives in the town that im foreign too.

I sigh as I slip my hands into my pockets and I start to walk. I walk under a street light and a couple of bugs fly pass me. I walk a little ways before I pull out my phone and notice 3 missed calls. I had my phone on silent and they're all from Todd. I turn my phone up on high.

I sit down on the sidewalk and I clench my cell phone in my palm. I take in a deep breath and I let it out slowly. It's cold enough so I can see my breath. I attempt to do a smoke ring, but that only works with smoke. So I stop and I look around at my surroundings. There are no houses that I can see of, so why is there street lights?

Then the one im sitting under flickers off. By this point, my heart race is beating faster and my breathing is becoming heavier. And it continues to worsen when a car starts coming towards me.

I stand quickly and I stare at the car for a moment. The lights go to dim and they slow down. My heart race is faster than every before as they slowly stop the car in front of me.

I slowly take some steps back but when I hear my name I stop, "Spencer it's me, Aiden." I wish it was a murderer instead

"What are you doing here?" I ask him not moving from my place. I still cant see him though and that still creeps me out.

"I live around here. Why are you alone out here? You know how dangerous it is?" he gets out of his car and leans up against it

I cross my arms across my chest and I stare at him, "You're not my mom." I say and I sound really immature

"Get in." He tells me and I shake my head

"I was just on my way home." I start to walk off but I stop when he says my name again

"Spencer, please. I don't want you to get hurt."

And without thinking, I turn around and open my big mouth, "Then you wont go away with Ashley this weekend." I cant believe I just said that. Out loud. To him. Aiden. Ashley's boyfriend. Who's she's madly in love with. Not me. How could I say that?

I turn around and run again. I run till the end of the street and I sit down behind a tree. He drives right past me and I close my eyes as I lean my head up against the tree._ I've found a reason for me. To change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you._ My phone blares Ashley's ring tone. _I've found a reason to show. A side of me you didn't know. _The song is almost over and I've stared at my phone a little too long_. A reason for all that I do. _(Don't ask why I had that as my ring tone… lol)

"Hello?" I say and I sounded scared. I hold my phone tight

"Why didn't you get in the car with Aiden?" She asks me

"Because I hate him." I tell her.

"So, Spence, you're going to get hurt out--" I cut her off

"I cant get anymore hurt than before." I say coldly and I almost hang up the phone when a man comes out of no where and walks towards me, "Oh my god." I say quietly into the phone as I stand up. I clench my phone tighter

"Spencer, you know I didn't mean--" I cut her out again

"Not the time Ash." I swallow hard as the man gets even closer to me. "Who are you?" I ask him.

"Who are you talking too?" Ashley asks me

The man doesn't say anything. He reaches his arm out for my arm and I back into the tree. "Who the hell are you?" He still doesn't say anything. He walks closer to me, "Oh my god Ashley. Where are you?" Im panting because im scared as fuck. He steps into the moonlight and he looks like a murderer I swear. Or like… a rapist. Oh shit. This just means that you have to be careful for what you wish for.

"What's going on? Im over at Aiden's. Why?" She trails on but im running now from him. He's behind me yelling stuff like 'wait' and 'im not going to hurt you'. He's faster than I thought.

"Where… is his… house? Fuck… Ashley… im scared!" I yell into the phone and I almost drop it as I stumble over something that was in the street

She says something but I don't catch it as the guy gets closer to me. Whatever I tripped on hurt my ankle and it hurts to run on it. I mumble the street im on because I just pasted the sign on the corner of another street. Then she says, "You're on his street. Im coming outside…" she says something else but I don't catch it because the guy grabs my arm and yanks me back. I scream as I drop my phone onto the road. I yell her name and I hit the ground

He says threating things to me as he grabs my arm and yanks me up. I squirm out of his grip and I grab my phone and I attempt to keep running but failed because I was too slow and he was too quick.

His hand is over my mouth as he takes my phone from my hand and closes it. He throws it on the ground and I see it shatter. By this time im crying hard and I screaming into his hand. He is pulling me off the road as I hear my name being screamed by Ashley and Aiden.

We hide behind a tree and I see them. She picks up my phone and she mumbles something. She yells my name again and I attempt to scream and it worked. She has really good hearing and with it being completely silent out here, she heard me.

I remember being pushed into the ground and then I blacked out for what seemed like years. I wake up on a stretcher and Ashley is holding my hand in the ambulance, "Oh my god Spencer!" She's been crying I can tell. I stare at her

"What happened?" I ask not remembering anything

One of the paramedics cut her off, "You hit a tree root that grew out of the ground. You only blacked out for about 10 minutes though. You're going to be alright." He smiled at me as he took my blood pressure

I blinked a couple of times and I looked at her. I opened my mouth, "Im sorry." I say quietly

She shakes her head and tightens her grip on my hand. She brings my hand up to her mouth and she kisses it and I smile at her. My eyes are feeling really heavy by this time now, and I drift off into a deep sleep again.

Ok… there it is…


	17. How Did It All Go Wrong?

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And I promise that there is nothing bad in this chapter. You guys deserve a better one. So I found a new favorite song : Better Than Me by Hinder. Lol. It's good. You should listen to that and Pretty Girl by Sugarcult. Yup yup.

It was only a couple of hours before I got to go back home. And when I did, I went straight to my room and fell asleep on my bed. I had to answer some questions first with the police before I could leave the hospital though. That was hard because since it was so dark, I could barely see the guy that grabbed me. They drew the picture of how I described him and they knew who exactly it was. Apparently he was on the wanted list. I don't know.

I don't remember anything after that though. I wish I could though. It would really help. But I cant. And the next day at school, everyone knew about what happened. It was so embarrassing actually. Because I got all these stares and people would whisper about me to one another. I tried to ignore it and walk away from it, but everywhere I went, I was already there in conversation.

I thought I would be able to play soccer but apparently I got a mild concussion. So that means that im not allowed to play in one of the most important games of the year. Against our rival team. And I can't play in the game. So that makes me really mad. I just get to sit on the bench and watch everyone else play the game that I looked forward to for weeks.

But I guess something good did come out of my accident. Or whatever I should call it. Because Ashley never went away that weekend with Aiden. She and him never went away to wherever they were suppose to go and spend alone time together. Secretly, im jumping for joy. And on the outside, I still fake a smile towards them two, because they're still going out.

So today is the game against the rival team. It's away so we get to ride on the buses. Im glad it's away because then Aiden won't be able to come and watch Ashley. I get to actually watch her from the bench and I will actually get to see how good she really is.

I sit in the very back of the bus behind Trisha and Madison who are talking about how they're going to kick their asses in the game. I smile a little as I listen in on their conversation but I smile even bigger when Ashley sits down next to me.

I look over at her and she's pulling her hair up into a pony tail. She puts on her sweatband that goes around her wrist and she finally looks over at me. She smiles with two bobby pins in her mouth and I giggle and look out the window. When we started to move, she elbows me in the side and I turn towards her. She hands me her phone and I look at the screen and I read it. _I know that your phone is kind of broken, so you don't have it on you, so this will do. I want you to come back to my house tonight. I have something for you : _

I look at her and I smile. "Ok I will." I say in a quite voice as I hand her the phone back

She takes the phone away from me and then grabs my hand and holds it. I smile big at her and I stare out of the window. A part of me wants to leave my hand in hers, but I need to take it away from her. She is still going out with Aiden and I won't do this. Not while she is with him. She should know that already. So I take my hand back from hers and my hand instantly goes cold.

She stares at me for a second and then her expression tells me that she understands. She turns away and starts to talk to the girls in the seat next to us. I sigh as I look out of the window once more. I just want this all to be over with. I just want myself to let go of this dream I have. I will never be with her and no matter how much I try; I will never stop loving her. I can't and my mind won't let me stop.

And all I want is to be happy because of something I did. I just want to stop putting everyone first and think about myself for once. But I know I can't because that's not who I am. I have to make sure everyone else around me is happy before I can be. Because that's who I am and I hate it. Look what it's done to me. The scars it left me and the memories that haunt me. I just want it all to stop.

We walk onto the field and all the girls set their things down and they start putting on their cleats and everything. After they warm up, we all come into a huddle and we get a little pep talk from the coaches. He tells us really encouraging things and it pumps me up. I want to play so badly! But im not allowed. Apparently something bad will happen to me if I do play. Stupid doctors and their stupid smartness.

After we yell our school name, the girls run out onto the field. I turn around and I start to walk back to my bench. But someone grabs my hand and I turn around, "Wish me luck." Ashley smiles brightly at me and kisses my cheek. I watch her run off and I swear she doesn't get the point that I don't want to do anything with her because of Aiden.

I shake it off and I sit down next to Trisha. I wonder why she's sitting out right now. "Why are you sitting out?" I ask her as I slip on a jacket that was on the bench next to me. I was too lazy to go get mine wherever I put it. I think either on Rachel's bag or Ashley's. I don't really remember.

She turns to me, "Time of the month. Coach doesn't want me to play because someone told him that---" I cut her off

"Too much, Trish." She smiles an apology at me and I smile back at her.

We watch the game together. And we won 4-2. We finally won against our rival! Woo!

We all get back onto the bus and we all get our seats that we rode in on the way to the game. "Are you comfortable in my jacket?" Madison asks me

I smile at her, "Is that who's jacket im wearing?" She laughs and throws me my jacket

"Yeah, you left this on my bag." I guess I left it on Madison's. I was way wrong.

I laugh a little and I take her jacket off and I give it back to her. I reach into Ashley's hoodie pocket and I grab her phone. She smiled at me and continued to talk to Chelsea about the game. She's sitting in front of us instead of Trisha. I don't know where she went and I kind of don't really care.

I open her phone and it's a picture of her and me a couple of months ago, "You still have this as your background?" I say and she smiles and nods at me and I laugh a little

I go to the text messages and I was about to click 'create new message' when I saw one from Aiden. I quickly opened it up and I read it, _babe im sorry you're not talking to me… but please, just at least say hi once in a while. _I raise my eyebrows a little. I can't believe she's mad at him. I wonder why though. I go into her sent box and I read what she wrote back. It's only one reply to him as he had about 10 going to her. _Aiden just stop bugging me ok? And stop calling me babe. I told you a week ago that we're over._

A week!? I go into 'create new message' and I type, _so what do you have planned for us when we get home? _I hand it to Ashley and she reads it and I watch her erase what I typed and she hands it back to me. I read it, _you'll have to wait and see_

And with that, I close her phone and I hand it back to her, "We need a new picture." She smiles at me and she tells me that she agrees

She takes her phone and puts it in her pocket. The bus got really quite and I see a lot of the girls laid their heads on the windows and attempt to go to sleep. We have a half hour to go before we're actually home.

I hear Ashley sigh and she leans her head back against the seat. I look over at her and I smile shyly and look away. Then I feel her hand on my thigh and I leave it there. Now that I know that they're officially broken up, she can do that. Im really happy right now.

She leans her head on my shoulder and im guessing she's going to try and sleep. About 10 minutes pass and she's out. I feel her phone vibrate and she doesn't wake up. I grab her phone and I open the phone and read the text. It's from Aiden, _babe please. We love each other. You and I both know that. Just please im sorry. I was drunk and I didn't expect you to come by the house. _Wow what a dick. I should kick his ass for hurting Ashley.

I so badly want to text him back but I don't. I put her phone in my pocket and I stare out of the window once again.

We all get off the bus and I call my mom on Ashley's phone. I tell her that im going over to Ashley's house and that ill just stay over at dad's so she won't have to come and get me. She also tells me that she has excellent news for me when I get home tomorrow after school.

We get into the backseat of her mom's car and we head to her house. She hasn't let go of my hand since I hung up with my mom. And that's been like 15 minutes now. I wonder if anyone seen us holding hands.

We walk up to her room and she jumps into the shower. I lay on her bed for about 15 minutes and that's when I glanced at the computer and saw her myspace open. She left it on 'view comments'. I walk over to her computer and the latest one was from him. I read it, _I already told you how sorry I was so stop being such a bitch towards me at school and everything, damnn._

I glare at the computer screen, "So I guess you found out that we broke up?" I jump up from the chair and I turn around to see Ashley in short shorts and a tank top.

"um I… it was.. Um" I stop talking when she starts to laugh a little

"That's what I was going to tell you today." She walks closer to me and she grabs my hands, "So you can stop giving me that look that tells me to 'back off, you're still with Aiden.'" She smiles at me and I want to kiss her so bad. But I don't for some reason. I back up instead and I stare at her.

I have no clue what im doing and I don't say anything to her. She just stares at me and then I say something. I should have thought about it before I said it, "Why didn't you tell me a week ago?" I ask her

She crinkles her forehead, "How did you know it was that long?" She asks and she kind of sounds pissed off

Why couldn't I just kiss her then? Why did I open my big mouth? "You got a text while you fell asleep on the bus. I read it without thinking and I wanted to know what he was talking about." I tell her. I did all that, just in a different order.

"You went through my text messages?" she stares kind of coldly at me

I don't want to fight with her. "Look, im sorry--"

She cuts me off, "I've heard that phrase way too much these past days." she crosses her arms over her chest

I don't look at her. I can't. I feel so bad right now. I walk past her and I grab my jacket and I get to her bedroom door. I put my hand on the knob and I look at her, "I don't want to fight Ashley. I told you that I was sorry and you just can't accept it." I open the door and I walk out. It wasn't my best comeback, but I didn't want to say anything that could possibly hurt her. I walk out of her house and I hear my name being called. I turn around and look up at Ashley's window, "I can. It's just that you don't ever mean it." She stares at me

I look at her coldly. I shake my head, "I always mean it." I tell her

"That's a lie Spencer and you know it. If you were really sorry, then you wouldn't hurt yourself. And you would have gotten into the car with Aiden before that guy grabbed you." She tells me like she knows me better than I know myself

"You don't know everything about me--"

She raises her voice and it cracks a little, "Im the only one you ever let in! And you're too wrapped up in your little kid world that you can't see that someone actually cares about you!" I can tell by her voice that she's about to cry. Why would she be about to cry? I didn't say or do anything to hurt her.

She doesn't say anything else but close the window. I close my eyes and I turn around and walk down the steps once more. I get the curb and I sit down. I shiver as the wind blows. I wonder what my mom has to tell me.

Ok there is your update! Hopefully everyone liked it. If not, oh well. Deal with it.


	18. We're What!

**Thanks to the people who reviewed!**

The next was day at school was boring and miserable. Guess who got back together last night? You've guessed it. Ashley took back that smug bag Aiden. Why would she even take him back! I found out why she dumped him from Abby. She told me that he cheated on her with another girl one night when he was drunk. What do you expect from a guy like him? And why the hell would she even want him back? This is why im so confused.

But yet, I could have had her if I wanted her. What am I saying? Of course I wanted her, it's just, she could have told me earlier. Maybe im just making a totally big mistake about everything. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed her away when she was trying to get me. Maybe I shouldn't have ever let her in? I don't know. I just hope that my mom has some good news for me. But the way her voice sounded last night, sounded like it was going to be good for them and bad for me. I hate that.

I get to my house around 6 today. My mom doesn't like picking me up from school anymore. She doesn't have a problem dropping me off because she doesn't want me to skip school. I've done it once with Rachel back in middle school and she found out and totally flipped.

I walk down my driveway to see a U-Haul. Alan must be moving in finally. I wonder what took him so long. I walk over to the U-Haul and notice that he has a lot of stuff. I scan over the boxes and there are a lot of different sizes. Why do we need this much of his stuff?

I slowly walk into the house, scared of what I might be thinking of is true. I set my backpack down by the front door. I hear my mom and Alan whisphering in the kitchen and I walk slowly over to the door. I stand there quietly and I listen in on what they're saying, "… I know Al; it's just that I don't want her to have a complete tantrum about it." My mom says. I wonder what she is talking about and the last time I had a tantrum was when I was a baby, Mother!

"Paula, sweetie, she's a big girl now and she can handle the news. It's only a few miles away." I think im going to be sick. First the pet names and now I think it's true that im moving. We're moving. Sorry.

"Honey, you don't know my daughter. She's--" I can't take this anymore.

I walk into the kitchen and my mom stops talking and they both stare at me, "So we're moving?" I ask bluntly

"Were you eavesdropping?" Alan asks serious. He talks to me like he's my father. He's got it all wrong buddy

"Alan." My mom says. At least she still somewhat cares about me. She looks back over at me, "Sweetie, this is what we need to talk about." Gag me please. She just called me sweetie after she used that name on him.

I look at her, "Im not moving mom." I tell her

My mom sighs and looks over at Alan. She sends him an 'I told you so' look. I glare at the two of them. How about I put them in my shoes and have them be me for a day. See how I live and why I don't want to move. "It's only, what? 30 miles?" My mom looks over at Alan. A few miles my ass.

"More like 45 but that doesn't matter. You need to get out of here. You're a target now for that man they haven't captured." Alan sticks his hands in his pockets

Where does he get off on acting like my dad? "Um ok like I care. Im still not moving." I turn to leave but my mom stops me. She puts her hand on my shoulder and stares at me.

"Spencer, you are moving--"

I cut her off, "Then I'll live with dad." I don't want too, but I don't want to leave here

"You can't Spencer and you know that. Courts order." She removes her hand from where it was

"Screw the damn court order! Im not moving!" I run up stairs and into my room. It's almost completely packed. Oh my god what is happening!

I walk over to a box that is labeled clothes and I start taking everything out and putting it back to where it belongs. My mom knocks on the door and I turn around and stare at her. "Spencer I know you don't want to move--"

"What gave that away? Me telling you I didn't? Or me unpacking my stuff that someone else packed." I turn away from her and take more clothes and stuff out of the boxes

I hear my mom sigh and I see something land on my bed. I wait for her to close the door before I see what she threw on the bed. I walk over to it and pick up my phone. She got it fixed for me. I sit down on my bed and the first thing I do is call Ashley. "What do you want Spencer?" She asks in an annoyed tone

I don't say anything at first and then I swallow hard, "Im moving." I say it really quietly. She doesn't say anything. She's completely quiet. "Ash, say something." I say quietly. Im already on the verge of tears

"You… you can't move." That's the quietist sentence I have ever heard her speak

"I know." My voice is cracking, "I don't want to. They're making me." One tear drops down and it landed on my thigh. The thigh that Ashley once had her hand on.

"Where?" She asks like a little kid wanting a cookie before dinner

"I don't know. They said somewhere 45 miles away from here." I sniff a little

I hear her sigh, "Can I come over?" She asks still in that quiet voice

A smile dances at my lips, "Yeah."**I know, it was really short, but I wanted to update.**


	19. BiPolar And Old Habits

I made this one longer since the last chapter was short. And that's why I updated again today. But it doesnt really count since it's like in the middle of the night. Lol. So um yeah. Another chapter that is kind of hard to write. Not really, just the last half. So yeah… it's going to be another really intense chapter. Are you ready to read it?

I laid on my bed waiting for Ashley to call me to tell me that she's here. It's around 8 now and I've been waiting for about half an hour. I wonder what's taking her so long. I roll over onto my side and I stare at the picture I have in a frame on my nightstand. It's of Chelsea, Madison, Rachel, Ashley, and me after our first scrimmage game. We all went out to eat afterwards. We're all muddy and sweaty and we still went to a nice restaurant that evening. We look like we had an awesome time.

I sigh as I get really impatient. She is taking forever! I grab my phone and im about to call her when my phone rings. It's her and it's about damn time too. "Bout time." I let out a little laugh so she knows that im joking

You know what I don't understand between us? One day we're fighting, and then we aren't. Why is that? "I know I know. Meet me in your tree house." I hear her walking through some leaves that are in my back yard.

"Im on my way." I hang up as I walk downstairs and into the kitchen. I make sure that Alan nor does my mom see me sneaking outside

I run over to the tree house and I climb up the steps. When I get into the tree house, "Took you long enough?" She smiles at me

I chuckle as I sit down next to her. I can tell that she took a shower right before she came over because she smells like she did. You know how you can tell if someone just took a shower because you can still smell their soap and shampoo on them? Well yeah, that's how I knew.

We sit silent together. Just listening to each others breathing. I hear her sigh once and I don't really know what it was about. The silence between us is getting really awkward now and I really don't know why. I mean, it shouldn't you know? We're pretty close, so why the awkwardness now? I try to break the tension, "So, this weather we've been having, huh?" She laughs as she looks over at me

Then she sighs again and just stares at me, "When do you have to leave?" She asks quietly

I hate it when she talks quite. It makes me nervous and I don't like it. I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know. They never said. But im guessing really soon." I lean my head back against the wall we're sitting up against. Then I feel her head on my shoulder and I feel her take a deep breath in. She lets it out slowly and we fall into that silence once again.

"I don't want you to go." She tells me not moving her head

Then I hear my mom yell my name. I close my eyes and I wish for her to just disappear. "Me neither." She lifts her head up off my shoulder

My mom yells my name again and I yell that im coming. I scoot closer to the door and I almost start going down when she grabs my hand. I look back at her and she pulls me into a hug, "You know Spence," She starts and she pulls away. I can tell that she is staring into my eyes. Usually this creeps me out. I don't know why though. But when she stares into them, I feel all warm inside. You know? "I never felt… like… this before." I smile at her because she's struggling. I let her continue, "I mean… with a girl." She laughs at herself

"I get what you mean Ash, but if I don't get down there, im going to get in trouble." She smiles at me and nods

We climb down the steps that are nailed onto the tree and we meet at the bottom. We stare at each other for a few seconds too long and we hug good bye. "Night Spence." She smiles at me and starts to walk away.

"Night Ashley." I watch her pull out her cell phone and hit a couple of buttons. Before she's out of ear shot, I hear her tell Aiden to come pick her up.

I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Then I walk back inside my house. What this girl does to me. I sit down at the kitchen table and I just sit there. Then Glen walks in and stares at me funny. She motions for me to come with him upstairs. I wonder when he even got here.

We go into his room and we sit on his bed, "What's up Spence. Why are you so down?" He asks me as he fiddles with his bedspread

I stare at him for a second. I think I can trust him but im not too sure. I've talked to him a lot before, but not about… girl problems. He might hate me. I sigh big and I look up at him, "Just this girl." He looks at me and doesn't say anything. So I continue, "She took something of mine, and now she is teasing me with it." Nothing. He waits for me to continue. I really wish he would say something. At least like an 'ok' or like 'who?'. But he doesn't. "I think… im pretty sure that I… no im positive that--"

He cuts me off, "Just spit it out Spence." He smiles a little at me

"I love her, Glen." I swallow hard, "And it seems like she doesn't even like me like that." I stare down at the bed spread. I wait for him to freak out.

"It's that Ashley girl isn't it?" I look back up at him and nod

"How'd you know?" I ask really curious

He smiles at me, "Spencer, im your older brother. I can tell these things. But, I hate to be the one to actually tell you what im going to tell you." His smile disappeared and im kind of scared to hear what he has to say, "You just need to get over her. Maybe moving away will help you with that. You know?" I nod. Maybe he's right. "She's one of the most popular girls in the 10th grade. That doesn't seem much to you, since you're in the 9th, but she probably one of the girls at school who every girl wants to be. And in your case, wants to go out with." He smiles at me and I slap his arm

"Shut up." I smile and turn away shyly

I look at him again when he starts to speak again. "She won't admit that she's gay to anyone besides you because she doesn't want to ruin her reputation." He tells me and then I realize that he's right. I just need to get over her. Move on. I have Todd. Well, not for long. That reminds me, I need to break up with him tomorrow. Aw, that's going to break his heart!

I look at my brother again and I smile, "Thanks Glen." I say quietly and I hug him. He's always there for me to talk to. But he still doesn't know everything. And he won't ever know.

I start to walk to my room when I see Alan walk out of the office. He stares at me in a disgusted way, "Spencer." He says and walks passed me I can smell alcohol on him. It's really strong.

"Jackass." I say under my breath

Im lucky he didn't hear me, "We're leaving Saturday afternoon." He slurs his words as I watch him walk down the steps and when I can't see him anymore, I walk into my room.

I close the door and I slowly walk over to my bed and lay down on it. That's in two days. I grab my phone and I open it up. I dial Ashley's number first. Well isn't this just the way to start to get over her. She doesn't pick up and it goes straight to her voicemail. I really don't want to tell her over her voicemail that im leaving in 3 days, but I don't find myself hanging up the phone. "Ash hey, it's me… Spencer." I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly, "Look, im leaving Saturday. So um," I sigh then, "Call me back if you want." I said the last part really quite and I hang up the phone.

I set my phone on my nightstand and I lay there. Why do I feel like complete shit still? I shouldn't feel this way. I should be at least a little happy. I turn on my iPod and I sit up in my bed. A million things are running in my head, and for once, Ashley isn't one of them.

I look around my room and its pitch black besides the moonlight shining in. I start to lay back down when my door flies open and Alan walks in. He looks pissed. I take out my head phones and I try to turn off my iPod but he grabs it and throws it down on the ground. I hear my mom scream his name as his hand goes tightly around my neck. He's screaming at me for some reason. I hear him say something about Ashley and that's when I see Glen come in the room. He tightens his grip on my neck and I hear him slur something about how im a slut and something else. I fighting for air now as I try to take his hand off of my neck. He's a lot stronger than he looks.

My mom and Glen pull him off of me and they push him out of the house. I lay there on my bed, listening to my heaving breathing, the screaming going on downstairs, and my cell phone ringing. It's her ring tone.

A tear rolls down my cheek as Glen walks into my room. He walks over to my bed, "Are you ok?" He asks as he sits on the edge of the bed and looks at me

I nod, "Im fine." my voice is really raspy right now and I hear him sigh

"If you need me--" I cut him off

"Im fine Glen." I say coldly and he leaves. Where did that come from? He just practically saved my life from some psycho alcoholic.

I lay awake for hours that night, just laying there. I look at my alarm clock and it reads 1 am. The house is completely silent. I get up slowly and I walk into my bathroom. I turn on the light and I look at my neck. There is a slight bruise where he choked me. It'll probably be darker tomorrow, but nothing that cover-up can't cover up. That's what it's for, right?

I walk into my room again and I open my top drawer of my nightstand. I pull out my journal and I write in it. I write in it every night no matter what. And then I pull out the razor when im finished writing. I haven't seen this for a long time now. A couple of months I think. I know it's been a long time since I have cut. I never really had a reason too. Well, actually I did, but I fought off the temptation by calling Ashley. But tonight, my mind blocked her out. Im thinking about everything but her.

I grab the towel and I lay it on my bed. I place the razor on my left wrist and I press down and I slide it across quickly. My breathing is heavy again as I watch a little trickle of blood run down and off of my wrist. The razor is dull so I cut the same spot again. A little more blood spills out now.

My right hand is shaking as I hold the razor. I take a deep breath in as I place it on a different spot on my wrist. I press down but Ashley's ring tone brings me back to reality. I drop the razor onto the towel and I stare at my wrist. It hurts. I grab my phone and im about to flip it open when I realized that I can't talk to her right now. I wouldn't be able too. I ignore her call and I turn my phone off. I wrap the towel around the cut, and I finally fall asleep.

I almost don't go to school the next day because I over slept. Glen did the same. We both got ready at our own pace and neither one of us said a word to each other until we got to school. We said bye and that was it.

I walked onto the school campus and I went straight to my 4th period class. Math. The one I've been dreading since I fell asleep last night.

The room goes quiet when I open the door. I take in a deep breath and I keep my head low. "Carlin you're late." My teacher tells me

"Whatever." I take my seat. I don't look at anyone. I would usually cross my arms now, but I don't. I sit low in my seat and I avoid eye contact with anyone.

"Excuse me?" The teacher is walking over to me and my eyes are already burning. I swallow hard again and I don't say anything. My voice is raspy today I noticed when I said goodbye to Glen. "See me after class Carlin." He walks off

"I have other plans." I say and the whole class looks over at me. The teacher turns around and looks at me. I finally look up at him and his eyes go straight to my neck. I apparently didn't do such a good job in covering it up

The students are looking at him now, waiting for him to tell me that I have detention or a referral or something. My eyes are burning even more now, "What the hell are you doing?" Abby turns around to me and she spots it too

I grab my backpack and I leave the classroom. I can't handle this right now. If I listen to it anymore, im going to cry. Im walking down the hallway and a tear escapes. "Spencer!" It's Abby

I keep walking. I hear her footsteps behind me and someone else's. I knew that she wouldn't be alone. I keep walking and another tear escapes. They just need to stop falling. Please.

They catch up to me and its Abby and Ashley. They both stare at me. I tighten my jaw and I look away from them. I wish they would get out of my way. "What happened to you?" If only Abby knew already and I didn't have to tell her

Abby grabs my left wrist and I wince, "Abs, can I talk to Spencer alone real quick?" Ashley looks over at Abby and she's hesitant at first but agrees. She walks back to class and Ashley looks at me

She doesn't say anything but pull me into the girls' bathroom that we were standing by. She checks to see if anyone is in there before she locks the door. She walks over to me and she takes my left arm and slides my sleeve up slowly. She stops when she sees it and more tears are rolling down my cheeks now. Im staring at the ground so I don't know what her expression is and im too scared to look at her. I just need to push her away and get over her. She lifts my head up by my chin and she runs her fingers over the bruise that Alan left last night. She stares into my watery eyes and I look away. "I can't do this, Ashley." I say quietly

"Do what?" She's holding my hands now and she's too close for me to push away now. I want her closer but I remember what Glen told me. I have to get over her. She will never love me like I love her.

"Everything!" I raised my voice and she jumps back a little from my reaction, "This. You. Life." More tears roll down. She goes to wipe them away but I push her back, "No Ashley. Don't." I say coldly, "You've hurt me enough and im done being hurt." I add and I look at her. I tighten my jaw and I have no clue where all this is coming from. "By you especially." I start to walk over to the door but she grabs my hands again and pushes me into the wall

I start to breath heavy and she pins me to the wall, "Spencer, you need help ok?" She gets closer to my face and I push her off of me

"I don't need you telling me what I need ok? I know what I need. But I can't do it." I tell her breathing heavy again. I slide down the wall and sit on the ground. She is still staring at me shocked by my behavior. She kneels down in front of me and stares into my eyes, "I need you. And I need to fall _out _of love with you." I tell her

"Spencer, you don't love me." She says quietly, "You cant." She adds and I put my knees down and she comes closer to me

"But I do and I can't help it. I want you Ashley. But, I can't have you." She has tears forming in her eyes and she shouldn't have them. She's supposed to be the strong one here. And then one drops, "Don't cry Ashley." I tell her kind of demanding as my voice cracks

Her forehead is on my forehead, "Spencer, you can't." She says like it's that simple for me to stay

"But I do." And I kiss her for the last time. I taste her lips once more before I leave. I let our tongues fight one more time. "I have to go." I push her away and I stand up. I unlock the door and grab the handle. I look at her one more time. I open my mouth to say something but I don't. I just leave. I leave her on the floor. She looked hurt and I know I won't see her again for a long time. Because im not coming to school tomorrow and im leaving right now to go back home.

There it issss. I never realized how self-fish or self-less I was. Geez. Lol. Oh and if you were wondering, what my sudden break out with my "brother" was about, it's because just recently I was diagnosed with the bi-polar disorder. Lol. So it sucks. lol


	20. Goodbye LA, Hello Huntington Beach

**I've been really enjoying talking to a lot of you guys through email and on msn. You guys are really cool. I've noticed that me writing this story is actually a good thing, since a lot of you guys and me share this experience. Anyways, here is you update.**

We packed everything up. Every last piece of the house that I grew up in. We packed it up and now we're off to a new city. Alan said that they bought a house on the beach. So I guess that's cool. But I really don't care about the stupid beach right now; I care about how I never told any of my friends that im moving. I also care about how I never broke up with Todd.

So yes, my mom never did leave that piece of shit she calls her love. And yes she still is pregnant with some devil child probably. I hope that it isn't going to cry all night or be a little twerp. But it is coming from Alan and my mother. So yeah, knowing my luck, it's going to be everything I hate.

I get into the car with Glen. He's driving me over there since the U-Haul is way too small in the front. We have to follow them all the way to Huntington Beach. I looked it up last night, its 47 miles away from LA. I really don't want to leave. But, the more I think about it, it's for the better. For everyone. Especially for Ashley.

I watch them pull out and onto the road from our driveway and then I try and find a radio station to listen too. I almost find one when Glen starts to talk to me, "Spence isn't that Ashley's car?" I look up at him and I look over to where he is pointing too. It is.

"Just keep going." I tell him as I find a radio station

But he stops the car. What a brother huh! I look up at him, "Go talk to her Spencer. It's the last time you will see her in a long time." He tells me and I glare at him

I look out of the window and she's walking closer to the car. Abby is with her. Great. At least it isn't Rachel. I get out of the car as I hear Glen's phone start to ring. It's probably my mom calling to see where we are at. I meet them half way and I just stand there, "I can't believe you're leaving and you didn't tell me." Abby says and she has tears in her eyes

"Sorry. I was so caught up in things I kind of… forgot." I stare at Ashley. Why do I feel mad at her? Oh right, because she won't make up her damn mind about what she wants.

Abby looked over at Rachel, "Ok I so don't want to get into that one." She said as I sighed

"Look, I have to go." I tell them after Glen motions for me to hurry up.

I hug Abby goodbye and then I look over at Ashley. I just want to leave without hugging her. "I'll give you two a second." Abby says quietly and walks back over to Ashley's mom's car. I watch her get in before Ashley starts to talk to me.

"Spencer, I know you're mad at me." She tells me

"What gave that away?" I roll my eyes. Why the hell am I being such a bitch towards her?

Ashley sighs, "I guess this means that you won't be going to King High anymore?" She asks and I shake my head

I watch her as she avoids eye contact with me. She bites her lower lip and I bring her into a hug, "Ash, you know I'll miss you the most." I tell her and I feel her nod

I go to pull back but she doesn't let go so I tighten my hug more. "Spence…"

"Hmm." I say into her shoulder. I really will miss her the most. I don't want to leave her behind. I wish I could just take her with me.

"Never mind." She pulls back and I don't ask what she was going to say because I really have to go. I don't have the time.

Glen honks the horn, "I really have to go, Ash." I give her a kiss on the cheek, "Bye." I say and I run over to the car

I get into the car and Glen immediately pulls out of the driveway. I watch them disappear and when I couldn't see them anymore, I leaned my seat back and closed my eyes. I fell asleep thinking about Ashley. Once again.**Short I know, but yeah. It was just a transition chapter. I think is what it was. I don't know. Lol. But yeah, next chapter should be longer.**


	21. Potheads!

It's been exactly 3 and a half weeks since I moved here from LA. I already got a darker tan because I hate being in the same house with Alan and my Prego mother. I stay out late every night with the friends that I made. I really wish I didn't become friends with these particular ones, but they took me under their wing as soon as I walked through the doors of my new high school.

It was kind of weird actually. But it really doesn't matter. They're like a mixture between preps and the people who you hate and don't ever want to talk to or come into contact to. I don't care who I hang out with here, but I just don't want to get too attached to somebody.

Last Friday, Todd drove down here with Abby. He already knew that we were going to break up, so he was pretty cool about it. We're still really good friends and im glad because of that, because he is really an awesome guy. I like him a lot and if I hadn't of moved I would still be going out with him. Abby and him are coming down tomorrow to hang out and we will probably watch the last surf contest that is going on. They said that they're bringing a surprise. I wonder what it is.

Tomorrow is Saturday and I so can't wait for the last period of the day to get over with. Math. The most depressing subject ever. I wish Ab's and Ashley was here with me instead of all these people who don't even know that I exist. After school, im hanging out with my new 'friends', Cindy and Luis. The rest of the group is going to meet up with us later on tonight at the local café that we always go to on Friday night.

Finally the last bell rings and I walk out and into the parking lot and wait by Luis's car. It really isn't all that nice of a car. Its pretty beat up. Looks like he's gotten into a couple of wrecks before and a lot of people were mad at him and took it out on his car. Long story short, he needs a new car and he needs to stop pissing people off.

A couple of minutes passed and they finally show up. They brought Jenny with them. They all are total potheads and alcoholics. Especially Luis and Cindy. I sit next to Cindy in the backseat. She lights up a joint, "What the hell are you doing? You're going to get caught." I tell her as I start to kind of freak out

"Chill Carlin." Luis says up front before he takes a puff

I hear her cough a little as he passes it over to Jenny. I watch her take inhale and then blow smoke out of her mouth and nose. She coughs a little and turns around. "Here." I shake my head

"I'll pass." I say taking my sleeve and covering my nose. This stuff really smells.

"Have you ever tried weed before?" Cindy asks as she takes a puff

No, "Yeah." What? I want to seem cool to them

"Then take some." She puts it up closer to my face

I shake my head, "I don't want too." I push her hand away. I look outside of my window and noticed that we're heading into an alley and we've stopped. "What are we doing?" I look out of the front windshield and I see a guy with a black hoodie on. His hood is up and I can't see his face.

"We'll be right back." I watch Jenny and Luis get out of the car. We are so going to get caught, I can feel it.

I hear Cindy sigh besides me. I look over at her and she starts to giggle. Wow. She looks over at me, "Will you please try it?" She asks again, "its fun. And you won't look so damn depressed. You won't feel a thing." I won't feel like complete shit?

I grab the joint from her and I stick it into my mouth and I inhale deeply. I begin to cough as a lot of smoke comes out of my mouth. Ew. That was nasty. My tongue is burning it feels like. I then hear the doors slam and we're backing up now. "She tried it you guys!" Cindy exclaims and takes another puff

"No way! We didn't see it! You have to do it again!" One more isn't going to hurt is it?

So I do it. And I feel a little better. So I do it again. I hear them laughing at nothing and the only thing running through my mind is, 'what the hell is Ashley going to think?' I take another puff and it's gone. I go to throw it out of the window when Cindy stops me. "What the fuck are you doing?" And she begins into another laughing fit

"I don't know." I join in on it

After we met up with the rest of our group of friends, we all go home. It's around 7 now as I walk through the door. My mom walks up to me and she sniffs me jacket. "Get off." I push past her and down to my room. I finally get the basement for a room. So much more privacy

I get down to my room and I fall onto my bed. I fall asleep quickly and it feels great. I just can't wait till tomorrow when I get to hang out with Abby and Todd. I wake up to my phone ringing. I groan as I pick up, "What." I sigh not even knowing who it is

"Carlin, we still on for tomorrow?" Shit. Tomorrow I have to go with Cindy to this clinic to see if she's pregnant.

"Shit. I totally forgot about that." Cindy is my age and she might be pregnant. Knowing her though, she is because she never uses protection. She told me once. She also said that Luis might be the father. He's a senior. And a total screw-up.

"You've got to be joking. Carlin, you have to come with me! I can't take Jenny!" Jenny. She's a junior. She's probably a little less insane than me. She's not a total screw-up like the other two are. I think that she just moved here too and they took her under their wing too. "She'll tell Luis!"

I groan in frustration, "Fine I'll come. What time?"

"We'll leave around 10."

We say bye and I have to call Abby and Todd now. I call her first and there was no answer. I call Todd, "This better be important, Spencer." He tells me. I look at my clock and its 3 am. Wow.

"Um, what time are you guys coming tomorrow?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"I was just wondering." I pull down my pants and I slip into my sleeping pants. I put him on speaker phone and I take off my shirt.

"Ok. Well you better not have other plans. Tomorrow is going to be a great day. For everyone." I can practically hear him smile. I slip into my wife beater.

I take him off of speaker phone, "Why is tomorrow going to be so great?" I ask getting in under my covers

"You'll see."

I can hear him pee. "That's gross Todd!" I say in a disgusted voice

He laughs, "I had to go!"

We talk for another half hour before I fell asleep on him. I wake up to my alarm clock blaring. I look over at it and its 9:45. I get up and slip into the same jeans as yesterday and I slip into a light jacket. I pull my hair back and put on some makeup and put on my shoes. Im done around 10 when my mom is calling for me.

I run up the stairs and she's here, "Ready Carlin?" I really wonder why she keeps calling me by my last name.

I nod and we head out. We jump into her mom's car. She doesn't even have her permit and she's allowed to take her mom's car out. She really is messed up. I wouldn't even do that.

We pull up to the clinic and we walk in. A lot of girls are here and they are giving every other one a death glare. Im so glad that I don't have to pee on a stick today. If you ask me, that's kind of awkward.

She goes into a room and she's out within 10 minutes. She walks over to me, "Im good." She smiles at me and we walk outside and back into her mom's vehicle.

That didn't take that long. I guess because she was just here to check to see if she was Prego. The other girls were probably there to get an abortion. Poor babies.

We go back to my house and my mom and Alan are already gone. They left me a note telling me that they are out visiting Alan's parents. And that they will be back around 6 tonight. I found out that they live around here. Messed up huh? That's why we moved out here.

We go down to my room and we sit on my bed. "Dude, I could so use a smoke right now." She looks over at me for permission. She pulls out her brand of cigarettes. The smell would go away fast enough right?

She lights one up and then she throws me the box. I stare at it for a second, "Go ahead Carlin. They won't bite." She giggles probably at the thought of a cigarette biting somebody.

I take one out and put it in my mouth. I've watched them so much that I already know how to light one. After the first inhale, I cough. I am so not use to all of this. I inhale deeply again and it burns my tongue. Luis always told me that the third time its better. And it was. It didn't burn as much and I stopped coughing and looking like an idiot.

Im on my second one already when I hear Todd's voice. He's yelling to see if anyone is home. "Shit!" I drop the cigarette onto the floor and stomp it out. Good thing not having carpet down here. "You have to go out the backdoor." I tell Cindy pushing her towards the sliding door I have down here

"Why?" She asks slipping on her jacket

"Um… you just have to go." I push her out of the door and I shut the blinds. I really don't want my real friends to see her. She looks like complete shit.

I start to run into my bathroom but I was stopped when Abby squealed. I turn around and I swallow hard. "Surprise." Ashley smiles at me

Abby runs over to me and hugs me, "It feels like forever since I seen you!" She pulls back, "Why do you smell like a cigarette?" They walk over to me and I swallow hard again. I am so glad it's not the weed

"Really. Are you smoking now, Spence?" Todd leans closer to me and sniffs my jacket

"Um." I shake my head, "I just had a friend over here who smoked down here." I say. It's the truth. See I didn't lie to them

"Gross." Ashley sits down on my bed and I kind of glare at her

"Really it is. I don't see how people can smoke. It's disgusting and so unattractive." Abby lies down next to Ashley

Todd looks at me and I go into the bathroom. I shut the door and lock it. I lean up against it and I sigh. I hear them start to talk, "She is so lying." Abby says in a whisper

"Yeah I know. At least it isn't weed you guys." Todd adds on. Ashley is probably nodding.

I brush my teeth really good and I rinse with mouth wash. I change into my bikini and I slip into my short shorts and a white tank top that I had in the bathroom. I am so lucky that I keep a hamper in here now.

I walk out and they stop talking and stare at me. "Let's go swimming." They all smile at me and agree. I walk over to the sliding door and walk outside and I look back.

"Ok well I have to change." Todd and Abby say fighting for the bathroom

I look at Ashley, "You going to change?" I ask her and she shakes her head

"I already have it on." She smiles as she gets off of my bed. She walks over to me, "Now when do we get to see the hot surfers compete?" She looks my way and laughs a little.

We walk onto the sand and we set up our towels and sit down as we wait for Abby and Todd to come out. This is the perfect chance for me to talk to Ashley. "So, how are you?" I say after a long awkward silence

"Good. You?" She asks staring out into the big blue ocean

"Couldn't be better." Of course I lied! I couldn't tell her that im becoming a screw up!

She looks over at me after another awkward silence, "What do you smoke?" She asks in a low voice

I crinkle my forehead in confusion. I stare out into the ocean instead of looking at her, "I don't smoke anything." I say quietly

"You're lying, Spence. You're flaring your nose." Ok, she is the only one who has _ever _known when I was lying because I did that. I didn't notice it until she pointed it out.

I look over at her, "Promise you won't tell?" She nods. And I told her everything because I trust her. But I know that as soon as they leave, she will tell them. And why do I still tell her? Because I still love this girl.

But we had to cut our conversation short because Todd and Abby came out. "Race ya." Todd smiled at us and they began running. I smiled over at Ashley as we got up and we started to race for the water.


	22. Is Jail As Bad As It Looks?

We hung out all day. Just the four of us. It was really fun. Just all laughs and smiles. All day. I didn't once worry about my problems or nothing. And I haven't done that for a long time so im glad that today came. I was actually really worried about it. I don't know why though. Maybe im just going crazy.

The whole day went perfectly. That is until I blew up on Todd because he brought up my room smelling like cigarette smoke again. I yelled at him and I had no clue why I was doing it. And after I yelled at him, I just walked away. I walked along the beach. I now loved feeling the sand between my toes and the smell of the salty ocean. It was really comforting to me. It used to bug me, but that was because I hardly ever went to ocean.

A seagull flew above me and made their seagull noise. I rolled my eyes because they are really annoying. All they do is squawk a lot and eat your food and poop on you. It's really disgusting actually. Especially in the morning when you have to go through out the whole day with bird poop on you. Ew. It sucks.

After I walked down the beach a while ways, far enough from them, I sat down on the sand. It was getting really cold and I wished that I hadn't walked along the beach. I also wished that I had a jacket that I could put on.

The sun was just now setting and the sky look beautiful. The wind blew then and I shivered. I look back to see how far I am from my house and it's not all that far. I search for my friends then and I don't see Abby nor Todd. Ashley is making her way over here. Im kind of thinking like they set all this up. Maybe im really being recorded and someone someplace read my journal and Ashley is just acting like this because they know what I like in a person. Girl. Guy. I don't know.

I sigh then because im really thinking about that now. What if she is just all an act and is really teasing me and stuff. I really don't know what im going to do if that is really all true. Wow. I think I just might die. Because, Ashley is like, everything I love. Her smile, laugh, and her personality. I love this girl and right now, I really wish I never played soccer. And that's really saying something because I love playing soccer.

She seats down next to me and im just waiting for her to tell me how im screwing my life up or how im going mental or crazy. But, she doesn't say anything. She just seats there and watches the sun go down with me. We both listen to the waves crashing against the shore and the seagulls up above.

I glance over at her a few times and she looks like she is really enjoying just sitting there watching the ocean. She looks peaceful. I sigh then as the sun is almost all the way down, and that's when she talks, "This is really cool." She says almost in a whisper

I nod, "Yeah it is." I say really quite as another wind blows against our bare skins. I shiver and rub my arms for warmth

Ashley is leaning back on her elbows on the cold, wet, sand. "So um, can I ask you something?" I look back at her and I nod, "Why did you blow up on Todd? I mean, he was just asking you a question…" She trails on and I stare back at the now black ocean. I swallow hard and blink a lot. For some reason, I feel like I really want to cry right now. "Spence?" I look back at her again

"Um," I say really quite, "I really don't know." I add and I look back into the ocean.

Ashley leans back up and her arm brushes up against mine. I get goosebumps, "Really? There has to be a reason though." Her voice is soft, like she's scared that if it's any harder, I'll break or something.

I shrug then, without looking at her, "We should get back. My mom should be home any time now." She should have been home 2 hours ago but she wasn't.

Ashley agrees as we both stand. We walk back in silence. We get to my back door and the lights turn on. She opens the door and looks back at me and smiles. You know the one that I fell in love with at first. She walks inside and that thought comes back into my head. This so has to be a movie, because no one can really have all of this drama in their life. Really, who has all of this drama in their life and still lives? I don't know anyone. I've seen movies like this though.

I walk inside and change quickly back into my jeans and tank top. I slip into my grey hoodie that says UCSB on it. I walk upstairs where everyone is. I walk into the living room where they're watching TV. "Spencer!" My mom is calling me so she must be home. They all look at me and I smile at them before I leave the room to go to my mothers.

I walk into her room and sit down on her bed. Alan shuts the door and they both stand in front of me. Alan crosses his arms and my mom looks at me hard, "We smelled the smoke in your room." Oh, I thought this was going to be about Ashley being over. Maybe they forgot about that whole walking in on us thing. I hope so. That night was pretty bad.

"And we found this in your room." My mom holds up the razor that I use to cut with.

I stand up and I raise my voice, "Why the hell were you in my room in the first place?" and I should have seen it coming. My mom slaps me.

I sit back down and hold my cheek, "Do you think that you're old enough to use that type of language in front of me?" I take my hand off of my cheek. I fight back the tears. She must be working out because that slap was a lot harder than any others.

"And do you think that you're not good enough for anyone that you _actually _went to cutting yourself?" He says it in such a disgusted tone

I swallow hard and look at my mom, "What? You don't have anything else to say to me?" She looks kind of shocked by what I said. She shouldn't be shocked. "About how im somehow screwing my life up?" My voice is raised again. Im standing again, but by the door now. My hand is on the doorknob.

"Excuse me? We're not the ones going around thinking 'fuck the world' now are we?" They slowly start walking towards me

I open the door, "Oh yeah, because I go around with that attitude. Wow, if you actually believe that is how I am, then wow, you've done a great job parenting _mom_." I walk out of their room and all three of my friends are standing at the end of the hallway; eyebrows raised. One tear escapes and I quickly wipe it away as I pass them.

I run downstairs and im breathing heavy because im mad. This is when I would usually punch something, or call Ashley to vent. But I don't, because they're all downstairs, walking over to me. Asking me what happened. But I keep shaking my head, and my eyes never leave Ashley because she is the only one who isn't asking me that stuff. Her eyes are trained on me as I sit down on my bed. I just wished that they could take me home with them. Wait, that's a good idea!

"Hey, um, what are you guys doing tonight?" They all exchange looks, "Because, I so don't want to stay here tonight. They might murder me in my sleep." They all let out a light laugh

"We were going to go and hit up this party down the street." Todd tells me and a smile creeps up onto my face. "You in?"

I nod, "I am _so _in." We head out my back door and make it up to his car.

Abby sat in front as me and Ashley sat in back. We all sit in silent for about 15 minutes before we pull up to the house that already has a lot of people in it. "How did you find out about this party, Todd?" Abby asks as she opens her door

"Some dude on the beach." I follow Ashley out of her door

We walk into the house and I go straight into the kitchen. I hear Todd's name being called from some guy. Must be the one that they met on the beach earlier today. I pull myself a half cup of straight vodka and then added some coke to it. I took a big drank from the cup and it was really strong. I add some more coke and take another drank from it and it was a lot better.

There's a hand, snaking around my waist. A hand that belongs to a guy that I don't know, "Want to dance?" I shake my head

"Maybe later." I send him a smile and he retracts his hand

"Im counting you to that." He smiles and walks away

I take another big drank and I smile. It's satisfying. And then I feel hot breath on my ear. It whispers into my ear, "What the hell are you doing?" I turn to be really close with Abby

I smile at her, "I need it." She doesn't return my smile. She grabs my cup and takes a sniff and she cringes at the smell. She hands it back to me and rolls her eyes. She isn't a risk taker. She's probably going to be the designated driver. Even though she's my age.

Abby walks away. She's probably going to tell Ashley that im drinking. I hurry up and finish that cup and pour myself another one that I'll slowly work on instead of just guzzling it down. I walk into the room where there are a lot of people dancing. A lot of people are already drunk too. That's pretty sad. But I don't know why im saying that because I already feel a lot happier. That means that the really strong alcohol is working.

Im half way through my second cup of my drink before I find the guy that wanted to dance with me. I've been avoiding my friends since we've gotten here. I saw them looking around, probably looking for me. I think they gave up because I don't see them anymore, "Im ready for that dance!" I have to scream it because he's standing next to a speaker, drinking his own strong drink. I can smell it on him.

"Perfect!" He takes one more drank before he crushes the cup and throws it on the ground before he takes my hand and leads the way onto the dance floor. When we get onto the floor, all I can smell is alcohol, sweat, and BO on people. He pulls me close to him and whispers into my ear, "You should finish that drink so you don't have to hold to while you dance." He pulls back and smiles at me. He slurred some of his words.

I smiled at him and hurried up and finished it. We danced for about 10 minutes before we stumbled out of the living room laughing. He was really close to being drunk and I was just buzzed. He grabbed my hand and we started walking into the hallway. I was still laughing as he pulls me up the stairs. Half way up the stairs, we stopped, "Hold on, im thirsty." We went into the kitchen, hand in hand.

We poured ourselves our own too strong of drinks. As I was pouring mine, he leaned in and kissed my neck. I smiled as I finished pouring my drink. "Come on." He said leading me back out of the kitchen and up the stairs again.

We stumble into a vacant bedroom. We set our drinks down and he kissed me again, but on the lips. It went from a simple kiss to a kiss with tongue. We sat down on the bed and his hand started from my knee and up under my tank top. He took off my jacket and his shirt before he pushed me onto my back. His breath smelled like vodka and the only thing I pictured while kissing him, was fucking Ashley. Damn, she always ruins everything that I want to do but its wrong. Always.

My tank top was slowly coming up and off of my body. That's when I realized that I shouldn't be doing this. He started kissed my neck again and he hit my weak spot. I let out a tiny moan and I could feel him grin. He kissed on down my neck and back up to my lips. My heart was pounding by now and I stopped kissing him. He noticed, "Why the hell did you stop?" He's straddling me now and I want to push him off of me. I attempt but in return, I get slapped. "Shut up, you fucking tease." He is slurring all of his words now and he kisses me again. He kisses me hard as he unbuttons my jeans

"Stop." I say it into his mouth but he doesn't listen. I try to push him off again but he forces his tongue inside my mouth.

The door flies open and he doesn't even move. He keeps kissing me. He's too heavy and strong for me to get out from under him, "Get off of her!" Thank God! It's Todd!

He pulls him off of me and the guy punches him in his face. "Oh my God." Abby walks into the room now and looks at me. I stand up and I go to grab my shirt when Ashley walks in

"What the hell?" And I freeze for a moment

But then I grab my shirt, jacket, and shoes. I button and zip my pants before I push past them. I hear the guy yell 'bitch' when im half way down the stairs. I put on my tank top before the end of the stairs. The music is no longer playing and there is no one in the house anymore besides 3 men with uniforms on. And the first instinct I have is to run. So I turn around and run into the kitchen and out of the back door.

"Get her! Don't just stand there!" I hear one of the officers yell

"I'll get the brunette!" I turn around and I see through the window that Ashley just walked down the stairs and she looks shocked. She attempts to run but they catch her.

I run faster and then when the cop threatens to shot if I don't stop, I stop. I drop my jackets and shoes and I put my hands up. He starts to walk over towards me and I bend over to put my shoes on, "Stand up!" He yells and I don't listen. I really want my shoes on. Good thing they're just my Etnies and they're easy to slip into.

He pushes me down into the sand and he handcuffs me. I put up a fight because this shouldn't be an easy job. I hope that Todd and Abby got out safe…


	23. Hayden

**Ok so it's going to be short because I wanted to update before tomorrow. Im going to a soccer tourny and I wanted to update for you guys before this weekend actually came. So yeah, here is your update. Lol.**

We sat there on this bench. All four of us. None of us got away. Not even the drunk guy that I almost had sex with. Wow, what a mistake that would have been. None of us have even said a word to one another. Well, Abby and Todd talked to each other. They were both freaking out. Ashley was just sitting there. I wonder if she's just as freaked out as I am.

"Carlin." We all look up at the officer that just said my last name.

I stand up and walk over to the door of the cell. He opens it and lets me leave to call my mom or dad. But I am so not even calling either one of them. I don't even know who I would call. He hands me the dime and I just stare at the phone. Who the hell am I suppose to call?

As I go to put in the dime, I hear this girl behind me, back talking to the cop. I stare at her and she stops talking, "What?" She says. She looks around my age. She turns back to the cop and shrugs his hand off of her shoulder before she goes into the cell that has all of my friends in.

I turn back to the payphone, "Can we make this quick, Carlin?" It's the same cop

I put in the dime and I dial my mom's number. She finally picks up, "What?" She sounds like she was asleep

"Um, mom?" I say kind of scared

"Spencer? Where the hell are you?" Now she sounds fully awake

I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly, "Im in jail." I tell her

"Im on my way." She hangs up the phone and I do too

I look at the cop and he nods. Why is he nodding? He follows me back to the cell and takes Ashley out. I sit down next to the girl that talked to me earlier, "What are you in for? Same thing as them?" She looks over at me

I nod. She has black skinny jeans on, black converse, and band t-shirt, and her hair is died. She has a lip ring too. "How bout you?" She uncrosses her arms and looks over at me. And she's hot.

"Same thing. I can't believe I didn't see you guys there. I think I would have seen you." She grinned at me a little and I smiled shyly at her and turned away. And charm.

Ashley comes back in and stares at the girl. "So what's your name?" Abby asks her as Ashley sits down next to Abby

"Hayden. Your guys?" She stares at Ashley and she's checking her out. I knew that she shouldn't have worn a skirt

"That's Todd. Im Abby. This is Ashley. And that right there is Spencer." She looks back over at me

"Spencer?" She raises her eye brow with a smile

I bit my lower lip and I stare at her. She has chocolate brown eyes with dark make-up around them. Her head is tilted and she is still staring at me. Someone coughs and we both look over at one of them. "Sorry." Of course it was Ashley.

"So do you live around here?" I ask Hayden. I love her name.

She turns back around and looks at me, "Yeah. You?" I nod. She asks me if I go to the high school and I nod again, "Awesome. I go to the middle school as an 8th grader."

I raise my eye brows, "Are you serious? I thought you were in high school." I send her a soft smile

She shakes her head, "Nope. I get that a lot because of my attitude and shit." She rolls her eyes and I look past her over to Ashley. I can tell that she's getting jealous

"Hot." Oh my god. I so did not mean for that to slip out!

Everyone looks at me. Todd's eyes go wide as well as Ashley's. Abby is smiling. I look over to Hayden and she's staring at me again with a slightly bigger smile. "And so are you." My cheeks turn a light shade of pink

"Whoa, you're gay?!" Todd stands up. He's clearly shocked.

"Um yeah." I say it quietly though

"Since when!" He adds

"Todd, chill. She's still the same person." This is way I love Abby.

I wonder why Ashley still hasn't said anything yet. "Holy shit. Is this why you broke up with me?" He sits back down

"Whoa. Wait a minute." Hayden cuts in, "You weren't out until now?" She looks back over to me

I nod and I look over at Ashley and she turns away. "Yeah." I look at Hayden again and she smiles and leans back against the wall again

"Cool." She says it so simple

**Ok so yeah. There's the new chapter. Hayden is in fact the real name of the girl. And yes I still talk to her today. She's another one of my best friends. And she is reading this "story" now and demanded that I give her a shout out. So um, yeah, here it is. Lol.**


	24. Something New?

**Sorry about not updating in like forever. I've been busy with school and well I just didn't feel like writing. Lol. This is going to be pretty short because I just got home from work and im tried and I want to go take a nap. Lol. So yeah, here it is.**

I laid in bed after I got home. I was crying but no body knew. I kept quite and for once, I didn't have my music on. I was scared. I was scared that my mom would come back down here. When I got home, she hit me. Again. I have a cut on my cheek from where her ring was on her finger. And I have a bruise on my arm from where she grabbed me so I wouldn't run. And why don't I fight back? I tried that once. It didn't work out.

I was scared to go to sleep that night. I just wanted to get out of that house. I needed something to relieve me. Someone to talk to. I grabbed my phone and flipped it open. I got Hayden's number when we left jail tonight. I hit call after I stopped crying. She answered, "Hey." She sounded like she was asleep

"Hi. Sorry if this is a bad time and all…" I trail off because really, I don't know where I was going

"No, no it's not. What's up?"

"Nothing. Just lying in bed. You want to hang out?" Even though it is the middle of the night and all. I just heard my mom shut her bed room door and I know that she won't be back out until the morning time. And she doesn't live far from me. Only like five minutes.

"Yeah sure. Where do you want to meet?"

"I don't care." Really I don't because I really don't know anywhere we could go in the middle of the night.

"Ok how about the park?" There's a park here?

"Where is that?"

She laughs. Figures. "Here, I'll come by your house and we'll go there together. Ok?" Sounds good to me. I gave her my address and then we said bye.

I waited outside for her and noticed that it was really cold. I ran back inside and grabbed my hoodie that I was wearing earlier and put it on. When I went back out onto the porch, she was waiting on the steps. "Hey sorry, I wanted to grab my jacket." I said in a whisper

She stood up, "What happened?" She touched my cheek, "You didn't have that last time I saw you." She stared at it for a second and then she looked into my eyes

"Oh, um its nothing. My cat scratched me." She chuckled and rolled her eyes. She apparently doesn't believe me. I wouldn't believe me either because I don't even have a cat. But she doesn't know that so I don't know why she wouldn't believe me.

We walked to the park that was about 5 minutes away and we sat on the part where the slide just begins. She told me about herself, "…yeah I only I have one older brother. He's a total ass." I laugh a little, "I swim too."

"So you skate and swim. Pretty hot right there." I smiled at her and she returned it

"So, why did you just come on… in jail?" She laughed a little at that

I shrugged, "It seemed like a good time." We both laughed

"Really?" I shook my head. Really it wasn't. I wasn't even ready.

"No but I couldn't have saved myself from that one." She nodded

"True true." She moved closer to me as the wind blew harder

**Ok there it is. Now im going to go take a nap. Lol. Review if you want.**


	25. Im 14 And Im Being Babysat

**Wow it's been a while huh? Lol. I just haven't felt like writing. I know I said that in the last chapter… but it's true. But I thought that I should update for you guys before I go out on my date tonight. Lol. I don't know if it'll be short or not. We'll just see where I stop writing.**

It's been two weeks since that night. It feels like I have no pressure on my shoulders anymore trying to hide the fact that im bi. It feels so good. But, the thing im still worrying about is that Todd, Abby, or Ashley haven't called or texted me. At all. I haven't heard from them in two weeks and im really worried about them.

Im in my dad's car right now. In the back seat. Im going to stay for the 3 day weekend with him and the evil step mother. And my wonderful little sister who is asleep on my shoulder. I quickly change the song that I was listening too because it reminded me of Rachel. I wonder what's up with her too.

When we pulled up into the driveway, I got out of the car. I looked at the house and just stared at it. It seems forever since I've been here it seems like. I sigh as I turn around and look at Ashley's house across the street. Her bedroom light is on and im tempted to go over there and tell her that im here for the weekend.

But I don't. Instead I walk inside of my dad's house and plop down onto the couch. "Spencer!" Rylee runs into the room and jumps onto the couch next to me, "Guess who's coming over and staying the night!" She smiles big to me

She always gets really excited when one of her friends comes over, "Who?" I ask her

"Hailey." Hailey is her best friend. They play soccer together too.

"That's awesome!" I smile down at her

Then my dad walks into the room, "Sweetie," He looks at the both of us. We both stare back at him, "Me and your mom," He looks at Rylee when he says that, "Are going out tonight. So I called your babysitter, Ry."

"Why can't I babysit her?" Really, why cant I? Im good with children.

My dad rolls his eyes with a smile, "Remember what happened last time you babysat your sister?"

"_Rylee ok im done playing hide and go seek! Im going to watch TV!" We were playing hide and go seek. We've been playing it now for two hours. And this past half hour, I've been trying to look for Rylee. And I still can't find her. "I give up! Come out!" I plop down on the couch_

_A few hours pass and im being shaken awake by my dad, "Where's your sister? She isn't in her bed. It's past her bedtime." She never came out of her hiding spot?_

"_We were playing hide and go seek and I couldn't find her. I told her that I gave up and I guess she didn't hear me." I hear my step mom going around the house yelling for her_

_My dad sighs, "Spencer." He looks at me and shakes his head_

"_Oops." I get off of the couch and start to look for her too_

"Hey! That was two years ago! It was her fault she didn't hear me!" I said with a smile

"My babysitter is really cool! You know her." And there was a knock on the door

"I do?" I look down at my sister with a confused look. My dad answers the door and Ashley walks in. Shit. "Isn't it against the law to invite someone over and then just leave?" Ashley chuckles at my expression

"Goodbye Spencer. Listen to your babysitter." And with that, my dad and his wife leave.

I can't believe im 14 and my dad got me a babysitter. And Ashley is her. "Im not listening to you." She smiles as Rylee runs over to her and hugs her legs

I hear Rylee tell her that Hailey is coming over. After Hailey got here, Ashley finally said something too me, "So I didn't think I would have to babysit you." I roll my eyes at her. "I mean, after last time we saw each other. I would say you need one."

"Hey!" I push her off of the couch that she was barely sitting on, "You thought it was hot." We smile to each other

"So what if I did." I sit down next to me this time, "I broke up with him. For good this time."

"So?" I turn my attention back to the TV

She turns my head with her hands and she smiles at me and then kisses me. I kiss her back and it feels so good to be kissing her again. She pulls back, "Don't flirt with that Hayden girl again ok? I don't like being jealous." I knew she was jealous. I knew it!

"Im moving in with my dad."

"You are!?" She smiles brightly

"Well actually no. I haven't talked to him about it yet. But I want too." She laughs and shakes her head

**Ok, there it is. I have to stop there. Review if you want!**


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